


Journey of Discovery

by Ana (Anafandom)



Series: Second Chances [13]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: But he's not actually in this story, Civil War Team Iron Man, F/M, Gen, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, New Avengers are an actual team, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Compliant, Odin's A+ Parenting, Team Tony, Thor is a bit of a douche, Tony Is a Good Bro, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-14 13:58:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16914159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anafandom/pseuds/Ana
Summary: Loki has been planning for Thanos’s return for a while, but he when he’s forced to leave Asgard and his Odin disguise, there is only one place he can think of to go: Earth. For once, things might actually go his way. He'll certainly be in for quite a journey.





	1. Putting plans in motion

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! Long time no see. I've had a really bad month RL-wise, which took me out of writing for a while, but I'm back! And with a new long fic!
> 
> This is meant to be a sort of prelude to an eventual IW-type story, though that's still in the early planning stages. Can I just say how much I'm dreading Avengers Endgame? 'Cause I am. A lot. *sigh*
> 
> Warning for unreliable narrator. Loki is really not objective here (though as you'll no doubt be able to tell, I'm not a big fan of Asgard in general). There is no Thor is this fic, but he'll definitely show up later in this 'verse.
> 
> This series is only MCU canon compliant up to Doctor Strange. I'm ignoring all subsequent movies.
> 
> I hope you like it and let me know what you think.

Things were going to fall apart and there was very little he could do about it – which was, sadly, the story of his life. He needed more time.

 _Damn Odin_.

Loki had spent the last few years making plans for Thanos, taking advantage of the stroke of luck that had been Odin falling into the Odinsleep after Malekith’s failed attempt to destroy the universe. As Odin, Loki had been able to command Asgard and start preparing the Nine Realms for Thanos’s inevitable return. It had not been easy, of course, since Loki could not just come right out and explain what was going on. Fortunately, Malekith’s sneak attack had been enough to get people on Asgard off their asses and begin to take threats seriously again. They had become far too complacent in their belief of strength and superiority and look where it had gotten them.

Asgard alone, however, would not be enough. They would need allies, which had proven to be easier said than done. The rest of the Nine Realms were none too pleased with Asgard as a whole, especially considering the time the Bifrost had been destroyed and its consequent limited contact, and they had no desire to be dragged into a war for Asgard’s sake. Obviously Thanos would be a danger to them all, but Loki couldn’t tell them that, not without arousing suspicion he couldn’t afford to have. So everything had to be done quietly and presented in the vaguest terms. It was, in short, a pain.

Add to that the fact that Loki had to pretend to be Odin all the time, and it made for a very tired and stressed out God of Mischief.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if he’d had an ally, someone to trust and rely on – or even just someone to rant to when things got hard. Unfortunately, that was not the case. He had nothing. The only one who might have listened, who might have helped, was Frigga, and she was gone. (And Loki avoided thinking about the circumstances of that and his own role in it as much as possible.) Thor… Thor could not be trusted. Not with matters of subtlety or secrecy. (Not with Loki’s life. There had been a time when Loki would have believed whole-heartedly that Thor had his back, but that time was long gone. Loki had his own share of the blame for that, yes, but the end result was the same.) Bottom line, he was alone (again, story of his life), and now his time was running out.

Odin had begun to show signs of waking, and when he did the game would be up. Loki didn’t think Odin would completely undo all Loki had done – that would be far too suspicious and Odin was no fool. It would not help him if the whole of Asgard (not to mention the other realms) became aware that there had been an impostor on the throne of Asgard for all this time. It would make Asgard look weak, and Odin would never allow that. As such, Loki was reasonably sure that his plans – or at least some of them – would be safe. The issue, of course, was Loki’s own safety. Once Odin awoke, Loki would have to flee Asgard, possibly for good. It wouldn’t be such a huge hardship since he hated the place anyway (or so he tried to convince himself); the trouble was that he had nowhere to go. He could seek refuge in Alfheim or Vanaheim for a short time, but then what? Spend the rest of his life running? Looking over his shoulder for both Thanos _and_ Odin’s forces?

No, he would not do that. He’d had enough of being helpless, a victim of circumstances outside his control. He had a plan, though it was a risky one. Ever since he’d realized that the Odinsleep was coming to an end, Loki had been thinking and worrying and driving himself insane (more than he already was) debating whether he should take that chance.

Now he was running out of time. If he was going to do it, he’d have to do it soon. Before Odin woke up. Before he was completely out of options. The decision had to be made now to get the wheels in motion.

Loki was scared. Despite the toll the last few years had taken on him, at least he’d been unharmed and free. Free to walk around as he pleased (in Odin or another disguise), free to make his own choices. Free to walk away if he so chose. Once he put his last desperate plan into effect, he was going to lose all that. Freedom would be a much more distant concept. Unfortunately, it was either that, go on the run forever or get thrown back in the dungeons for the rest of his life – and that last one was out of the question. He had had enough of being Asgard’s scapegoat and laughing stock.

No, he’d rather take his chances. There was still some hope that things wouldn’t be quite as bad.

There was no real choice in the end. He’d have to go to Midgard. The humans were his best bet.

 _Norns help me_.

*****

Loki stood at the Bifrost observatory, alternating between watching the sky above and the void below.

 _This is where it all started_ , he thought. _This is where I looked at my traitorous hands and wondered if I had been cursed. This is where I watched Thor banished and thought that it might be my chance_. And it had all gone so wrong. So very, very wrong. For him, for Asgard, for the universe.

 _This is where I fell. Where I let go, knowing that there was nothing else to fight for_. He shuddered, remembering the cold and darkness of the space in between. The silence, the crippling sense of fear. _I had thought it would be a quick death, an easy out. What a fool_. He had not died at all, although there were plenty of moments when he’d wished he had.

 _This is where it all started. Maybe it will be a blessing if I never see this place again_.

He gave on last look to the Bifrost and its machinery then began the walk back through the bridge to the city, bypassing a silent Heimdall. He did not bother to say anything to the gatekeeper.

Of everyone, Loki had thought perhaps Heimdall would be difficult to fool, yet it had not been the case. For all that the man claimed to be all-seeing, in reality he only saw what he wanted to see. He’d wanted to see Odin and thus he did, never looking beyond, never questioning. No. It was only Loki who had been constantly monitored and scrutinized.

 _I am leaving this place for good_ , Loki told himself. _It won’t matter what they think of me anymore._

After one final walkabout of the palace and his rooms to make sure he had left nothing behind, Loki went to say his farewell to Odin.

“You are a liar and a manipulator, yet you – and the whole of Asgard – always chastised me for being the same. I could have understood that in a king, but a father? But then, you were never my father, were you? You never cared. It was foolish of me to have ever expected such a thing, not with all the evidence I had to the contrary.

“You always underestimated me, always dismissed me. But I was a good king. At least good enough that no one ever noticed it wasn’t you. I wonder what you’ll think of that.

“This was never my home, so it will be a relief to leave. I hope you’ll continue to do what needs to be done to ensure our survival.”

There was so much else he wanted to say, but it would only delay him and achieve nothing. He left it at that and carefully closed the door to Odin’s chamber and replaced his spells so no one would wander in.

It was time to go.

Making sure his magic was strong enough to prevent anyone from finding him, Loki stepped into Yggdrasil and the path that would take him to Midgard.

 _Show time_.

*****

Loki had only kept an intermittent eye on Midgard after the last report Thor had given him on the subject. He’d had far too much to do to worry about the humans. Thor had mentioned that the Avengers had new and powerful members, including a being made _with_ the Mind Stone. It had sounded completely insane and absurd, yet Loki had not been able to get any more out of Thor. The being had apparently been able to wield Mjolnir, which Thor had taken to be all one needed to know about it. To avoid arousing suspicion, Loki had asked nothing further, though he was intrigued. Stark had been partly responsible for its creation, according to Thor, so Loki figured it was probably not a threat to the universe.

The other new member of the team was a woman who had some kind of magical power. Loki had nearly snorted when he’d heard that. As if mortals had any concept of magic. However, since Thor had very little knowledge of it himself, there had been no point in asking questions. Loki had been trying to expand Thor’s education on matters other than combat with mixed success. The stupid oaf was still stuck with his own biased notions more often than not.

Not checking up on things more closely had obviously been a mistake, Loki realized pretty soon after arriving on Midgard. What was supposed to be a quick review of the information he had (the human invention of the Internet was really very useful) before presenting himself to the Avengers turned out to be a massive undertaking in understanding how the Avengers had apparently fallen apart after Thor had left.

It did not entirely surprise him that the Captain – who was uncomfortably similar to Thor – had fucked everything up in his arrogance and short-sightedness. The man was a warrior to the core, and that meant he believed all problems could – and should – be solved with violence. The little turn-coat Spider had switched sides one too many times and ended up distrusted by all. The archer had gone off the rails as well, following blindly even without the need for mind-control. The so-called magic user Thor had mentioned had been executed for many crimes, including mind-manipulation (which made Loki glad he wouldn’t have to deal with her). It was a complete mess.

Of the original Avengers, only Stark and Banner remained. Loki would rather not have to deal with the beast, though. Stark had always been Loki’s best bet, so he was glad at least that one was still standing. And there were new people. Another man in an armored suit, a woman who could shrink down to insect size, the Mind Stone creature and another supposed magic user.

After reading as much information he could on the so-called “Civil War”, Loki came to the conclusion that it was probably a blessing for him. It would be much easier to make a deal with this Accords Panel than it would have been with the remnants of SHIELD – though Thor had told him they were gone, he’d also said that Fury and some of his people remained. Those obviously couldn’t be trusted. But governments? Well, they were not entirely trustworthy either, but at least these United Nations people had some standards, and they represented the actual people of Midgard rather than a handful of string-pullers who would no doubt have no problem watching the world burn so long as they didn’t get caught in the fire as well.

All in all, the break-up of the original Avengers was not as unpleasant a matter as he had initially believed. For once, he might have actually have lucked out.

His planned approach would not have to change overmuch. In fact, Loki was quite sure that Stark would be more willing to listen to him than the Captain would have been. The Man of Iron would not trust blindly, of course, but he was smart enough not to completely dismiss Loki just because he had once been an enemy. On the other hand, the fiasco with the not-at-all-rehabilitated “witch” might have made him that much more cautious. Loki would have to proceed very carefully if he didn’t want to blow his chance of not only getting Midgard’s assistance with the coming threat, but also securing himself some protection.

Odin would no doubt have totally disregarded Midgard’s possible contribution to the battle, believing – as all of Asgard did – that the humans were little more than primitive savages. Loki, however, had seen firsthand what they could do. He’d witnessed and experienced their strength. The Hulk had been quite formidable (and not very kind, though Loki did appreciate the way that thrashing had released the last of the Mind Stone’s grip on his mind). The weapon that Stark had delivered through the portal had been very effective against the Chitauri. No, despite what Odin might think, the humans should not be overlooked. Loki would just have to hope that his luck would hold when he spoke to them.

Staging the meeting had to be done carefully. He didn’t want to frighten the population, as that would hardly endear himself to them. He also didn’t want to just stroll into Stark’s Tower. Breaking into a man’s home – or even just knocking on the door uninvited – would not do. Thus he needed a neutral location away from bystanders who might panic at the sight of him.

In the end, he chose the park from where he had departed the realm several years before. While in the past he might have taken the opportunity for some harmless mischief, now he restrained the urge and simply saturated the place with magic. Stark had been able to track down the Tesseract before, so he should have instruments capable of detecting that kind of energy, especially so close to his home. If Loki remained unnoticed, he would have to come up with another plan, but he didn’t think that would be the case.

Loki waited, hidden from prying eyes, for the Avengers to arrive. It would be a lie to say he wasn’t nervous or worried. However, he was well aware that he didn’t have much choice here. Idly, he wondered if Odin had already awoken, and what he thought of Loki’s tenure as king. No matter how good a job Loki had done, Odin would never acknowledge it.

The sound of Iron Man’s repulsors reached him first. The suit that landed looked different from the last one Loki had seen, and it was accompanied by two more. Loki recalled reading about the Iron Legion – suits piloted by someone else behind the scenes – though he hadn’t fully understood it; it seemed odd to him that Stark would allow someone else access to his technology. There was no sign of the other Avengers.

 _Now or never_ , Loki thought. He stepped forward and dropped his concealment spell, allowing Stark to see him.

“Hello, Stark,” he said. There was no point in appearing too friendly, as that would only make the other more suspicious, yet he also didn’t want to seem threatening.

The other suits immediately pointed their weapons in Loki’s direction. Stark remained as he was.

“Well, if it isn’t ol’ Reindeer Games,” the man drawled, mask retreating to show his face. “Back from the dead, are we? Color me surprised.” He was obviously not surprised at all, which made Loki wonder. Had Thor said something? Loki didn’t think Thor had any idea that he’d survived. Could he have been wrong? It was an unsettling thought.

“Rumors of my demise were somewhat exaggerated.”

“You don’t say.”

Loki smiled a bit. He did like this mortal. He certainly had style and a flare for theatrics Loki couldn’t help but appreciate.

“I’ve come to offer you a deal.”

Stark raised an eyebrow. “A deal? What kind of deal?”

The fact that Stark hadn’t opened fired the second he saw Loki was a good sign, but it was only the beginning. Now came the hard part.

“A mutually beneficial agreement, I assure you. I am no longer in the business of world conquering.” Not that he had _ever_ been, really. His experience with ruling Asgard had shown him that leadership was not really a position he was eager to take. Though, of course, he had never intended to rule Midgard – he’d only wanted to escape Thanos by any means necessary. It was simply unfortunate that humans had suffered for it.

“Despite what some people seem to think, I’m not king of the world. I don’t have the authority to make any kind of deal with you.”

“Yes, I am aware of that. But it seemed more prudent to approach you rather than your world leaders more directly. I hoped you might help to… facilitate negotiations.”

Stark tilted his head to the side a bit, watching Loki with sharp intelligent eyes. “What about Thor? Does he know you’re here making _deals_?”

Though it was tempting, Loki knew it wouldn’t help his case to say Thor was on his side to help get his foot in the door, as it were. Loki didn’t think Thor would be returning to Midgard any time soon, but it was still too risky. Besides, Loki also needed protection _from_ Asgard.

“Thor knows nothing of this.” _Thor doesn’t know much of anything, really_. “He doesn’t know I’m alive. I’m here on my own and I do not speak for Asgard, only myself.”

“And what is it that you think you have to offer?”

Now Loki was really glad he was dealing with Stark and not the Captain or SHIELD. Stark had been on the other side of the portal, he knew what was out there because he had seen it with his own eyes. If anyone had reason to believe Loki and take him seriously, it would be Stark.

“Information about who was really behind the invasion, and what you can expect from their next incursion.”

Stark had a good poker face, Loki had to admit, but there were still telling signs: the tightening of his eyes and the slight pursing of his lips. Thor had told him that Stark was still worried about another invasion (as any sensible person in his position would be), which had, according to Thor, caused the problem with the machine called Ultron. The explanation had not been very intelligible to Loki, since Thor didn’t really know much about how human machines worked. What Loki had taken from it was that the humans would probably welcome more information on their alien problem, and that was something Loki could provide. For a price, of course.

“And what would you want in exchange for this information? Assuming I even believe you have anything worth telling.” Whether he believed it or not, he would still listen, Loki was sure.

“Nothing that would be too costly, or that would violate your ethical principles.” SHIELD had no ethical principles to speak of, but Stark seemed to, as did the United Nations council currently in charge of the Avengers (or, at least, they said they did). “Perhaps we could discuss this at a more comfortable location?” Loki suggested.

Stark narrowed his eyes at him. “And why should I believe that you’re not just waiting until we’re somewhere else before putting your evil plan in motion?”

“I could give you my word that I mean you and your world no harm, but I don’t think that would be sufficient. So I’m prepared to agree to whatever conditions you deed necessary.” He looked Stark straight in the eye and continued with as much sincerity as he could muster. “I’m not here to fight. I only want you to listen to what I have to say before deciding to lock me up.” It was unlikely that the humans had the means to truly detain Loki, but it wouldn’t do to be overconfident. It would certainly not help his case if he escaped their custody without getting his deal.

“All right, we’ll listen. But that’s all I can promise right now.” Stark finally said. It was more than Asgard had done, and wasn’t that ironic? “For now you stand right there and don’t make any sudden moves.”

Loki nodded, keeping his posture open and relaxed. Stark’s faceplate came down again and he stepped a bit further back, no doubt conferring with the other Avengers about how to proceed. The two empty suits remained in position, ready to blast him at the first sign of trouble.

Again Loki waited. So far things had gone well enough. It was always good to deal with intelligent, level-headed people.

After a few minutes, a portal appeared out of nowhere and a man dressed in odd clothes and a swirling red cape came through it. The portal was obviously magical in nature and Loki widened his eyes as it closed. He had not been aware that humans were capable of such things, despite the so-called witch. That new magic user might be real after all. Perhaps Odin was not the only one to have underestimated them.

“Loki, this is Dr Strange, our new magic expert,” Stark said. “Strange, Loki. He claims to have dropped his world domination kink and to have information for us.”

The new man, Strange, looked unimpressed. He produced a set of handcuffs and took a step in Loki’s direction, gesturing for him to extend his hands. Loki could sense magic coming from the cuffs, though the feel of it was unfamiliar. Just how long had humans been able to do magic? And how had he never noticed it before?

Loki allowed the cuffs to be placed on him without complaint. There was an odd sensation for a moment, like a slight burn on his wrists. It was not like the Argardian cuffs he’d been shackled with the last time he was here; its dampening effect was not as strong. Loki was sure that, with a bit of effort, he’d be able to get free. For now, however, he did nothing.

“Right. Shall we, then?” Stark asked, not taking his eyes off Loki.

“By all means,” Loki replied.

Strange opened another portal. Stark stepped through first and waited on the other side. At a nod from Strange, Loki followed. Once Strange and the armors had also gotten to the other side, the portal closed.

“Most impressive,” Loki commented.

The room they were in was a corridor with cells along one side. _Oh, how charming_ , Loki thought. It wasn’t unexpected, though. Of course the humans would be wary of him.

“So, I take it that I’m to be a prisoner?” he asked in a casual tone.

Stark gave him a sharp grin. “You’re… a guest, shall we say.” He motioned to the closest cell and the glass door slid open.

Loki eyed the cell. It was no doubt heavily monitored and as strong as Stark’s technology could make it. He wondered if it had been designed to withstand the Hulk like the one at SHIELD’s flying fortress. Still, it looked comfortable enough at least.

“I am willing to cooperate. As I said, I’m not here to hurt anyone.”

“Well, excuse me if I don’t quite believe you.”

As soon as Loki got into the cell, the door closed again. Despite its “amenities”, it still reminded him of his cell in the dungeons of Asgard. Only this time he would not have Frigga’s visits to look forward to (even though he’d been angry with her at the time). And, hopefully, this would be only temporary and not a life sentence.

“We’ll be back in a little while,” Stark told him. “We have to take your… proposal… to our superiors. Behave.”

They all departed; Stark, Strange and the suits. Loki looked around his cell and sighed. He made himself comfortable on the bed – nice to have it, really – and sat in to wait. It seemed to be all he did these days, much to his annoyance.

Once again, Loki’s thoughts strayed to Asgard and what might be happening there. Would Odin tell Thor of Loki’s escape? Would he send his golden son all over the Nine Realms to apprehend his wayward pawn? Or would he just forget Loki had ever existed, going on as if nothing had happened? If Thor was sent after him, he would eventually make his way to Midgard, if only to warn his shield brothers that Loki still lived. Loki didn’t think that would be done right away, though – at least that was what he was counting on. By the time Thor showed up, Loki hoped to have secured himself a deal. Of course, Odin could push it and demand Loki’s return despite any deals, yet Loki didn’t think he’d do that. It would risk exposing the fact that Loki had spent a considerable time impersonating Odin. Unless Odin decided to just have him executed right away.

There was no use worrying about worst case scenarios now, Loki told himself firmly. The wheels were in motion and he had no choice but to see it through to the end. It was impossible to anticipate all possibilities and plan for every contingency, not in his position. He would just have to hope that the humans were more interested in their own survival than making him pay for the destruction he’d caused in their world. Without SHIELD, Loki figured he had a chance.

The break-up of the Avengers team was a double-edged sword for him, he knew. While the current line-up might be more willing to listen, they might also, perhaps, be less inclined to trust him. From what Loki understood from his research on the matter, Rogers and his faction had betrayed not just Stark and the other Avengers, but had also managed to completely turn the population against them. The dead witch could be a dangerous precedent for Loki, though the fact that they had a new magic user might help.

He wished he’d had more time to truly delve into what had happened. Unfortunately, half a day of frantic reading was all he’d been able to manage. There was no telling when Thor would come, so Loki could not afford to delay too much. Making plans without all the relevant information was never a good idea, but needs must and all that.

There was nothing to do. Idleness had never sat well with Loki, though for different reasons than Thor. Thor hated inaction because he always wanted to _do_ things: train, fight, drink, go on adventures, prove himself. Loki hated it because it gave him time to think and fret. He really was his own worst enemy sometimes. Thinking led to insecurities and uncertainties, it made him question himself and everyone else. While Thor got bored with nothing to do, Loki got anxious, and anxiety led him to making mistakes – sometimes huge, terrible mistakes.

 _Focus_ , he told himself. He tried to keep his body relaxed with only limited success. Talking his way out of trouble had, for the most part, worked well for him in the past, and this was exactly what he had set up to do. He had valuable information to offer and he had his magic – still somewhat drained after the stress of the last few years – so he was not helpless. The humans weren’t Thanos. He wouldn’t go as far as to say he had nothing to fear from them – the Hulk had made a very eloquent point about how _not_ invulnerable he was – but it was not the same as it had been before with first Thanos and then Asgard. At least that was what he kept telling himself in order to keep from panicking. _It will be all right. I can do this_.

He didn’t know how much time passed before Stark finally returned with the Mind Stone creature beside him.

“So,” Stark began. “First of all, this conversation is being recorded.” Loki nodded, already aware of that. “I can’t promise anything, but if you give us something useful, we might be able to… make some kind of deal. So far you’ve said what you have; now you need to tell us what you want, ‘cause frankly I can’t see that we primitive humans have much to offer you.”

“You might be ‘primitive’ by some of Asgard’s standards, but you still destroyed most of the Chitauri fleet with a single weapon. Asgard would be fools to dismiss you.” And they were fools, of course, the lot of them. So sure of their own superiority they hadn’t managed any original thoughts or advancements in ages.

Stark’s mouth tightened, “If you’re going with flattery, I can tell you now that’s a bad tactic. Unlike what you might have been told, I’m not ruled by my ego.” There was an edge to his voice that made Loki wonder what was behind those words.

“I’m not trying to flatter you. I’m just telling you that you _do_ have things I want.”

“A nuke?” Stark asked with a frown.

“No. Protection.”

The Mind Stone creature tilted its head. “Protection from what?”

It was disconcerting looking at it, the Mind Stone shining on its forehead. What kind of powers did it possess? Loki shuddered involuntarily.

“Oh, sorry, forgot the introductions,” Stark said, no doubt noticing Loki’s reaction to the creature. “This is Vision. Vision, Loki.” He paused. “And yes, that’s the Mind Stone on his head.”

With an effort, Loki tore his eyes off from Vision to focus back on Stark. “Ah. And how did _that_ come about?” he asked, tone as casual as he could make it.

“Tell you what. A story for a story. We’ll tell you how Vision came to be if you tell us how you faked your death and what you’ve been doing since that would require protection from us lowly humans.”

“Very well. I have been doing the same thing you have: preparing for the next invasion. The one that threatens us all.”

“Preparing how? And what about the faking your death bit?”

“What did Thor tell you?”

Stark snorted. “The usual, which wasn’t much. Something about an invasion of Elves and you dying a heroic death.”

“I was injured, that much is true. I simply… allowed Thor to think the worst.”

“So you pretended to be dead?”

“Thor was very quick to write me off. It hardly needed much effort on my part.” Loki didn’t think he was very successful in hiding his bitterness.

“Okay, so you fooled Thor into thinking you were dead. Then what?”

“Then I… have been arranging to bolster Asgard and its allies’ defenses. Discreetly.”

“And by discreetly you mean without telling people you’re still alive and kicking.”

“Precisely.”

“So coming here isn’t a good idea. I mean, we could tell Thor what you’ve been up to.”

“You could. But I would rather you didn’t. And, as I said, I am willing to give you information and assist you in preparing your own defenses in exchange for your cooperation. Now, I’ve answered your question.”

Stark and Vision looked at each other and Stark nodded. “All right, fair enough.”

Their version of the tale regarding the original Avengers’ last battle was vastly different from Thor’s, not surprisingly. Though neither Stark nor Vision said it outright, Loki could tell they had not been impressed with Thor overall and were, in fact, probably glad to be rid of the big oaf. Loki could sympathize. Thor was an excellent warrior on the battlefield, but outside of it he was often dismissive of others and too quick to pass judgment and jump to conclusions. As a man of intellect, Stark would likely not have the patient for that.

Loki remembered Barton telling him about Stark’s ghostly creations. It had sounded intriguing, yet Loki had been too focused on surviving to pay much attention to it at the time. Perhaps he would get the opportunity to rectify that now. It was pretty amazing that Stark had managed to, for all intents and purposes, _tame_ an Infinity Stone, and _after_ it had been used to create a destructive force like Ultron. Very impressive indeed.

There were still a lot of unanswered questions about Vision’s abilities, but Loki was satisfied with the explanation so far. He didn’t want to seem too demanding right off the bat.

“Very well. We have each answered the other’s question. Will you agree to the terms I have proposed?”

“You want protection from Asgard then? You want us to _not_ hand you over to Thor when he comes back? Is that it?”

“Yes. I believe the word you use is… asylum.”

“Asylum,” Stark repeated, as if unsure how truthful Loki was. “And what happens when Thor just does what he wants regardless of what us puny humans think? What makes you think he’ll even care what we have to say?”

“Thor will care. He might not like it, but if you tell him your leaders have agreed to it, he will have to honor that.” Odin might not, but that was a different matter. Loki had spent that last year hammering diplomacy into Thor’s head, at least when it came to respecting other realms’ authorities. It sometimes took pointed reminders of the fiasco with the Frost Giants to get through to him. Still, Loki was pretty confident that Thor would at least _think_ about the possible consequences of his actions in other worlds rather than continue with his previous tendency to just do whatever he wanted at any given time. His time in Midgard had not changed him completely, of course, but it had at least made him aware of his flaws. The woman he’d been enamored with ending their relationship had also had an impact in his overall arrogance and self-importance.

“Well, as I said, I don’t make the decisions. I’ll take it up with the people who do. You’ll have to tell us something good before we agree, though. And I want answers to a lot of questions as well.”

“I will answer them to the best of my abilities.” Loki assented.

“All right. Viz, you got anything else?”

“Nothing at the moment, no.”

“Okay, good. So, we’ll get on that. You,” Stark told Loki “stay here. We’ll get you something to eat if you want.”

“That would be appreciated.”

“Viz, you got this?”

“Yes.”

“Cool. Guess I’ll see you… later.”

“I look forward to it,” Loki said. _So far so good_.


	2. Making a deal

Loki had to give it to the humans: they were much nicer to their prisoners than Asgard. He was given a decent meal and there had been no threats of dire punishment. It actually made Loki a bit suspicious, in all honesty.

When he came to deliver the food, Vision had explained a bit more about how the Avengers were going to present Loki’s proposal to the proper authorities and he’d answered a few of Loki’s questions. Loki now knew he was in Stark Tower and that Midgardians did indeed have sorcerers amongst them. Vision also confirmed that SHIELD – what was left of it – no longer had much of a standing in the world, though Fury was still at large doing whatever it was he did.

The magical restraints Loki had been fitted with were not painful. They did, however, kept him from accessing most of his powers. Fortunately for him, it didn’t seem to affect magic that had been cast beforehand, so Loki was certain he remained invisible to Heimdall’s eyes – and with it, those of Asgard.

Waiting was tedious, but Loki was no longer filled with as much anxiety. As he’d expected (hoped), the humans were willing to listen and it did not seem as if they (or at least the current Avengers) were all that partial to Asgard as its prince (perhaps Thor’s woman had relayed her experiences there). Thor might have made a good impression to a warrior like the Captain, but not to men like Stark. It would be an interesting novelty to be surrounded by such people. 

After several hours, Vision returned with a selection of reading material. “The Panel is still deliberating on how to handle your request, so I have brought something to help you pass the time.”

For an artificial construct, Vision was certainly polite, Loki thought. The sight of the Mind Stone was still unsettling, though it did not seem as if Vision was a malevolent creature. Perhaps the Stones were not as evil as he had initially believed. Perhaps they simply picked up on the emotion of those who wielded them. With so much unknown about them, it was possible that the information Loki had was incomplete or even incorrect.

“Thank you,” he told Vision.

A small panel on the wall opened for the books to be delivered. “Let me know if there is anything else you need.”

“How long do you think it will be before a decision is reached?” Loki asked.

“I do not know. It will likely be several days. We will need further information from you before that.”

Loki nodded. “I understand.”

Then Vision simply phased through the floor to leave. It was an impressive ability.

Once Vision was gone, Loki went through the books. There were books on Midgardian history, including the history of the United Nations, and some that seemed to be fictional tales. One caught his attention because it seemed to be about a child sorcerer. Evidently humans knew more about magic than Loki thought, so he decided to begin with that one in order to learn how humans viewed it.

It became clear right away that the book was intended for children. Still, Loki found it fascinating to follow young Harry on his adventure, going from being an outcast within his family (very relatable), to discovering himself a part of a larger magical community where his magic was praised and encouraged.

Though the book’s idea of how magic worked was not really accurate in any way, it was amusing. More than that, it presented magic as something positive which needed skill and dedication to learn and master. Not at all Asgard’s attitude. Needless to say, Loki approved.

All in all, it was a pleasant way to pass the time. Before he knew it, Stark and Strange were back.

“We have some questions for you, Bambi. But we’re gonna have a talk sitting down like civilized people. So, if you’ll come with us?”

Loki waited for the door to open then accompanied the two men to another room in which there was a table and chairs. They all made themselves comfortable and Loki waited for the others to begin.

“Okay, so… Start at the beginning,” Stark said.

The beginning… it was not as easy as the human believed. What was the beginning? Thor’s coronation and Loki’s desperate plan to make Asgard see who their beloved prince really was? Their trip to Jotunheim, where the truth of his heritage had finally been revealed? Loki’s suicide attempt, when he let go of Asgard’s crushing expectations? The fall through the void? Or should he go further back and include the war that had ended with Loki as one of its spoils? Where should he start?

Stark frowned when Loki didn’t answer right away. “All right, let’s be more specific. How did you get the scepter? We know it was not Asgardian.”

Yes, that was a simpler, more straight-forward question.

“It was given to me. I was to use it to open the portal with the Tesseract and allow the army to come through.”

Stark and Strange exchanged looks. “Given by whom?”

“A being named Thanos, also known as the Mad Titan.”

“How charming,” Stark commented. “And why did he want to conquer Earth?”

“Not conquer. Destroy. As to why…” he shrugged. “Well, he isn’t called the Mad Titan for nothing. He has a thing for destroying planets.”

Mad he might be, but he was powerful and very dangerous, caring only about his own goals. An insane enemy was much worse than a sane one.

“And how did you come to the acquaintance of this… Thanos?” Strange asked.

Loki closed his eyes, trying not to let the memories of fear and despair overwhelm him. _I am safe for now_ , he told himself over and over.

“I fell into the void between the realms. And… I ended up far away. Outside the Nine. In a land of darkness I know not where. That was where Thanos and his army found me.”

After Norns knew how long wandering alone in the void, Loki had wept in relief to be back on solid ground, so to speak. He had soon come to regret it. There had been no relief, only pain and horror.

“You know what the Mind Stone is,” Strange said, bringing Loki back to the present. Both men were watching him intently, though Loki couldn’t tell what they were thinking.

“I know it is one of the Infinity Stones, yes. So do you, no?”

“Yeah, we know what it is. But what is an Infinity Stone?” Stark asked.

“I do not know much, but I will tell you what I do. If you agree to my terms. That was the deal.”

Stark nodded. “All right. Fair enough.”

“You already know something of its powers.”

“Mind control,” Stark said.

It was Loki’s time to nod. “There are others.”

“Yes, we know that too. When Thor left here he said he was going to investigate rumors of the other Stones that had apparently surfaced. Know anything about that?”

“Yes. We know the location of a few.”

“We? I thought you said Thor didn’t know you were alive?”

“He did not tell me directly,” Loki replied. _He told **Odin** without knowing it was really me_. “As a said before, I am aware of what has been going on in Asgard.”

“Let me guess,” Strange said. “You’ll tell us once the deal is made.”

Loki smiled. “Precisely.”

“We could simply wait for Thor to come back and ask him, though.”

“You could. But you have no idea when that will be. It would be to your advantage to have as much information as soon as possible.”

“All right. Besides that, what else do you have that would be valuable to us?”

“I know something of Thanos’s forces and his generals. How he operates, what you can expect next. I am also willing to fight with you to defeat him. You might think Thor is powerful, but I have talents of my own that would be useful to you.” He looked at Strange and the odd cloak he was wearing, which seemed to be moving on its own. “I can tell you about magic.” If there were really sorcerers in Midgard, there was much Loki could teach them.

“So you’re gonna rat out this Thanos buddy of yours?”

“He’s not my _buddy_ ,” Loki snarled, leaning backwards. “He’s not best pleased with me for the way the invasion ended, as you can imagine.”

“Because you botched it,” Stark said. There was something in his voice that caught Loki’s attention. It wasn’t a gloat. There was no judgment in his tone. It was a statement of fact, as if he knew it had been done on purpose. Could he know? Could he have figured it out when his own bro- when Thor hadn’t?

“Yes. I didn’t succeed.” Loki waited a beat before continuing. “I never intended to.”

There was no surprise, no disbelief. Stark merely nodded. “Why do it then?”

“I wasn’t exactly given a choice.”

“Were you mind controlled?”

“In a way. Though not like Barton.”

“Can you prove it?”

“Prove it? No, I don’t think so. Unless you have someone with telepathic abilities that can detect when a mind has been tampered with, it is rather difficult to prove something like that.” As far as he knew, humans had no such people. On the other hand, he had been wrong about their ability to do magic, so maybe they did. It would not be pleasant to submit himself to something like that, but if it helped him get their cooperation, he wouldn’t object.

“There are people like that in Asgard?” Stark asked.

“Not in Asgard, no. In Alfheim. Some of the Elves possess such abilities and the training to use it.” Loki had studied with them for a short time when he was younger, but had found the whole thing too disturbing (and he had no natural talent for it).

Strange frowned “So why you didn’t get one of them to testify on your behalf at your trial?”

Loki couldn’t help the bitter laugh that escaped him. “Trial? You think there was a _trial_? Odin pronounced me guilty before I even stepped foot in the throne room. They all did. The great people of Asgard couldn’t wait to lock me up for life,” he sneered. Loki had never been good enough for any of them. Thor, forever mocking Loki for being too bookish, too _cowardly_ (because if one didn’t want to spend all day fighting then one must be a coward). His companions Lady Sif and the Warrior Three, belittling Loki’s contributions as ‘tricks’ even though they would all have been dead a dozen times over if not for his magic and his quick-thinking. The court and Heimdall with their distrust and suspicion no matter what Loki did. Odin, that lying bastard who had only ever wanted to use him for his own gain, making Loki feel second best for not being like Thor, all the while knowing that Loki would never measure up. He’d never had a chance there. Never. A trial. What a ridiculous notion.

“Okay,” Stark said, watching Loki with an unreadable expression. “So there was no trial?”

“Did Thor tell you there was?”

“Not exactly. He just said you were in prison. Then you got out and died.” Stark paused. “Thor didn’t try to help you?”

Again Loki could only laugh. “Help me? Thor has _never_ helped me, not when it required any sort of _effort_ on his part.” Only Frigga had tried to intervene on his behalf. Thor, for all that he professed to love Loki, couldn’t be bothered to do anything. No doubt his friends had told him it was for the best that Loki be locked up and, being the gullible idiot he was, he accepted it. If it wasn’t a physical fight, Thor didn’t have a hope in hell of being able to do anything. He wouldn’t even know where to begin. And going against Odin? No, Thor would never do that. Not unless it was to seek ‘glorious battle’, like when he’d invaded Jotunheim. That act of defiance had cost him – a little vacation in Midgard where he’d never really been in any danger except of facing his own stupidity, such hardship – and as much as Thor claimed to have changed, he really hadn’t. He wouldn’t have wanted to be banished a second time.

“Right,” Stark eventually said with a guarded expression. “Moving on. So… Anything else you want to tell us?”

Loki shrugged.

“You were imprisoned for the invasion, correct?” Strange asked.

Of course not. Why should Asgard care about Midgard? Unlike the Jotnar, there was no peace treaty to uphold and no threat to the Golden Realm (as far as Asgard knew anyway). Odin might have gotten Thor to believe he was a benevolent god looking out for the humans’ safety, but Loki knew better. If the Chitauri conquered Midgard and slaughtered all humans, Asgard wouldn’t lift a finger to help unless they had reason to think they’d be next. Odin himself had been a warmonger in his youth, and the so-called peace in the Nine was simply the result of the others’ defeat. No, Loki had not been imprisoned for his attack on Midgard. The only crime he was truly guilty of had been allowing the Frost Giants to enter the vault before Thor’s coronation. What he’d done after taking the throne – where the Queen herself had put him – had been well within his rights as King, including sending the Destroyer after Thor and his idiot friends and his failed attempt at genocide. He was imprisoned not for what he did, but for what he _was_. Once Odin lost control of his pawn, he needed to dispose of it. Thor had gone against the King’s express orders and all he got was a little time-out in Midgard. Lady Sif, the Warriors Three and Heimdall had directly and purposefully defied their rightful King and got not even a slap on the wrist.

Loki shook his head. He didn’t know how to explain all that to the humans. If he tried, he’d have to reveal the whole truth – the truth of his monstrous nature – and he wasn’t sure he wanted to do that. “I was imprisoned for many things. Mainly for being an embarrassment to the House of Odin.”

Stark clearly knew there was more to the story. “You know, you’re gonna have to tell us everything at some point. If we’re to be allies against Thanos, we’ll need to know we can trust you. ‘Cause right now I don’t, and all this misdirection isn’t helping.”

“Agree to my terms and I’ll tell you everything you want,” Loki replied. He might not like it, but he could see that Stark was right. He’d have to be honest with the humans, at least to a point, if he wanted their help. Contrary to what Asgard believed, Loki was not against telling the truth (in fact, sometimes the truth was much worse than a lie); there just didn’t seem to be much point in it in a lot of his interactions.

“Fine. I guess this is all for now, then.”

“Back to my cell, I take it?”

“Yep.”

The walk back was made in silence. Before they entered the cell, Strange stopped him.

“We can change this now,” he said, indicating the cuffs on Loki’s wrists. He produced two golden bracelets. “These will be more comfortable.”

Loki raised an eyebrow in surprise. The cuffs were removed and the new bracelets clasped shut. The sensation was the same – likely the same binding spell – but now he could move his arms freely. Certainly much better.

“Thank you.”

“We’re not savages, you know,” Stark said. “We’re the good guys.” _Not SHIELD_ , he seemed to mean. Yes, Loki had no doubt about that. “Enjoying the books?” It sounded like a genuine question.

Now back inside his cell, Loki picked up _Harry Potter_. “It’s an interesting take on magic. Wildly inaccurate, but amusing nevertheless.”

Stark smirked. “Yeah, sure. We’ll get you the rest of the series, then. There are more _amusingly inaccurate portrayals of magic_ in it.”

“I look forward to it.”

The other two departed, leaving Loki alone with his thoughts once again. He laid down on the bed and tried to relax. Things weren’t going so badly.

*****

Over the next few days, Loki got to meet the other Avengers as they took turns showing up to “check on him”, bring him food and books and ask a few more questions. He learned that the man in the other armor (War Machine) was called Colonel James Rhodes and that he was an old friend of Stark’s. The man was now in charge of training the Avengers and was their battlefield commander. He seemed like a smart guy who knew what he was doing.

The new woman on the team was called Hope van Dyne and her powers came from technology created by her father. She was also sharp but not calculating and manipulative the way the Spider had been.

Banner was unchanged and did not have much to say except to inquire as to Thor’s well-being, though he didn’t seem all that invested in the answer.

While Loki waited, he read the books he had been given. The rest of the Harry Potter books were indeed fascinating and, at times, rather uncomfortable to read as some things hit a little too close to home.

The historical tomes were less interesting, though they were informative. There was a lot more to the humans than Loki had first believed. However, there was a lot Loki didn’t understand, as it required context Loki was unaware of, which was quite frustrating. It was one of those times when Loki expressed his annoyance aloud (talking to himself was a habit he had had a hard time dropping) that he discovered Stark’s ghost machine was watching him (which he already suspected) _and_ could talk to him.

“Can I help you, Mr Odinson?”

Loki jumped, falling into a defensive stance. “Vision?” Was the creature spying on him?

“My name is Jarvis. I apologize for startling you. I only wanted to know if you require assistance.”

Loki calmed down and returned to the bed. “You sound like Vision.”

“Yes, I am aware. We share part of our code, as Mr Stark has already told you.” Yes, Loki remembered now. He hadn’t fully understood the explanation at the time, being unfamiliar with human technology. “We are, one might say, brothers.”

Despite his best effort, Loki could not quite control his slight flinch at the last word. “I see,” he said, shoving his pain and anger over his lost family deep down. “I need some information to fully understand this text, if you can provide it.”

“If there is something I am not authorized to disclose, I will inform you. Otherwise, I am at your disposal.”

“And will you relay our conversation to the others?”

“Not unless something alarming or potentially dangerous is said.”

“But you could,” Loki insisted.

“It is my job to ensure the safety of the Tower’s inhabitants. As long as you pose no threat to anyone, I am not required to report on your activities. However, if either the Avengers of the Accords Panel ask, I must answer truthfully and use my judgment as to what would be pertinent information. Monitoring you is a precaution, though how intrusive that monitoring is depends entirely on your behavior, Mr Odinson.”

“Don’t call me that,” Loki hissed, unable to stop himself. “I am _not_ Odin’s son.”

There was a slight pause. “My apologies. How would you prefer to be addressed?”

“Just Loki is sufficient.” He was not Odin’s son, nor was he Laufey’s son. He could claim an affiliation to Frigga, he supposed, but even that… He was not Frigga’s son either. He was no one’s son. He had no family, no kin. “Just Loki,” he murmured. Alone.

“Very well. What is it that you wish to know, Loki?”

From then on, things went more smoothly. Whenever Loki wanted to know something, he asked Jarvis. That made the reading easier and it helped pass the time. (It also made him feel less lonely. It felt like ages since he’d had someone to talk to.) All in all, he couldn’t complain. He was being treated fairly and it did seem as if the humans were truly considering accepting the deal. Even though he was essentially locked in a cell, he was beginning to relax. After all the stress of the past few years, it almost felt like a vacation where he didn’t have to worry about anything and everything he needed was provided for him without the need for deceit or manipulation.

Finally, a week after his arrival in Midgard, Loki was taken before the Accords Panel, along with the Avengers.

The room was large, with two half-moon tables facing each other. The Panel sat in one of them and Loki, flanked by the Avengers, in the other. At the Panel side, some of the chairs were occupied by television screens from which he could see people who were not physically there (and he assumed they could see everything in turn. Ingenious, really.)

Once everyone had taken their seats and Stark had given a brief introduction on the subject they were all there to discuss, the woman at the center of the Panel table called for the meeting to start. She seemed to be what humans called middle-aged and not very tall, though she had an aristocratic air about her, with her fair complexion, graying hair cut short and piercing eyes.

“My name is Helena Farnelli, elected chairwoman of the Accords Panel. I understand you wish to be called just Loki?” she asked. At his nod, she continued. “Loki. You have come to us of your own free will to bargain for an agreement. Political asylum from Asgard in exchange for information regarding the alien invasion you led into this world in 2012. Is that correct?”

“Yes, that is correct. I also offer my services as a fighter, should it be necessary to defend your world against a new invasion.” Whatever Asgard thought, Loki was not a coward, and if Thanos came, he wanted to face him head on. Destroying the Titan – or dying in the attempt – would be immensely satisfying.

“Very well. We understand that, at the time of the invasion, you were not, in fact, acting of your own volition but controlled – or coerced – into doing so by means of the alien scepter you brought with you. Is that also correct?”

“It is, though I cannot offer proof of it.”

“The Avengers have already done so.”

They had? Loki turned to look at Stark, sitting to his right, who gave him an enigmatic smile. He wondered what proof they had. “I tried to minimize the casualties and destruction to your world, even though I admit it was not my priority.”

Lady Farnelli nodded. “We also understand you were not given a chance for a fair trial in which to defend yourself in Asgard, being simply given a life sentence.”

“Yes.”

“Is that customary in Asgard?”

“It depends on the case. Minor crimes are usually settled by a ruling from the King once the involved parties have been heard. For more serious accusations it is the King who decides on both guilt and the sentence. Life imprisonment or executions are non uncommon.”

Loki could see that the majority of the humans were not impressed by that. From what Loki had learned of their justice system, it did seem very much against what they believed to be fair, which of course counted in Loki’s favor.

“If we agree to this deal, would you be willing to make reparations to the people of Earth for your previous actions, unwilling as they might have been?”

“I would. I can do nothing about the lives lost, but I might be able to assist in healing lingering injuries, and in rebuilding property that was damaged. Or whatever other tasks you deem appropriate.”

“Very well. We accept your terms.” She gestured to an assistant, who brought a thick document to Loki. “Please read the agreement carefully. A lawyer will be appointed to explain any details you might wish. After you have signed it, you will come before this Panel again to disclose the agreed upon information. You will be housed in Stark Tower under the supervision of the Avengers. Dr Stark has arranged accommodations for you. For the time being, you must remain there unless an escort can be arranged. You must also keep the magic-suppressing bracelets you are currently wearing. They can, however, be removed in case of an emergency. Do you agree to these stipulations?”

“Yes. May I ask how long I would be required to wear the bracelets?” It would be a huge pain to have his magic bound, though he could understand why the humans wanted it so.

“The suggested probation period is one year.”

One human year was hardly much to a long-lived person like Loki. He had spent about that long rotting away in an Asgardian cell. This would be much easier.

“That is acceptable.”

“Then we look forward to hearing what you have to say,” Lady Farnelli said. “Are there any more questions at this time?” It was addressed to Loki as well as the other people present. Loki shook his head. There were a few people who looked like they wanted to speak, but in the end everyone agreed to call the meeting to a close. They’d probably wait for the actual debrief.

The assembly was dismissed and Loki was escorted back to Stark Tower by the Avengers. Instead of going back to his cell, however, he was taken to the room with the table (an interrogation room, it seemed). Stark stayed with him as the lawyer the Panel had chosen explained the minutia of the contract he was to sign.

Loki was very familiar with contracts, treaties and bureaucracy in general (oh, the joys of kingship), so it all seemed quite simple and straight-forward for all that the contract was exceedingly long. Legalese was the same everywhere, apparently.

The humans were obviously still wary of him (as well they should be), but they were also scared and willing to grab whatever advantage they could get, even if it came from a former enemy. It was exactly what Loki had been counting on. There were, of course, quite a few pages about what would happen if Loki went back on his word or hurt anyone. Since he wasn’t planning on betraying the humans, he wasn’t that worried. Considering his circumstances, it would be extremely stupid of him to double-cross the people who were going to ensure his freedom.

Loki was allowed to take the document to his cell for a final read through before the signing, and he perused it carefully. It really was the best Loki could have hoped for. The next morning when Stark and Strange came by with the lawyer, Loki was ready and eager to get this part of the deal done. While he would have been fine with just signing it and handing it to them, they insisted on going back to the meeting room (which could also be for interrogations, he was told) to do it. Both Stark and the lawyer also signed as witnesses.

“Smile for the camera, Bambi,” Stark said, directing Loki’s attention to a small red dot in the corner of the room with a grin.

Loki looked at the camera and at the document he’d just signed and gave the blandest smile he could muster, which made Stark laugh for some reason.

“You know, I think I’m beginning to like you. Even though you threw me out of a window that one time.”

Loki winced slightly. “Sorry about that,” he said, and he meant it. If Stark had died that day, things would probably have turned out much worse for Loki. Plus, he kind of liked Stark too.

The young lawyer shook hands with all of them (including Loki) and took his leave with the signed contract. “We will contact you to set a date for the meeting,” he said, though Loki wasn’t sure who he was addressing.

Stark nodded. “Awesome.” Then he turned to Loki, grin still in place. “So, you’re getting an upgrade. No more cell, yay!”

Loki really didn’t know what to think of the humans (and Stark in particular) sometimes. At least it would make the next few years interesting.

Strange bid them goodbye and portaled himself away (Stark rolled his eyes and muttered something about some people and doors), though not before making sure to let Loki know he would be watched.

“Yes, yes, there will be dire punishment should I step out of line,” Loki replied with just a touch of exasperation. Threats were so unoriginal.

Stark chuckled and motioned for Loki to follow him until they were in an apartment. “Here you are, your new digs. What do you think?”

The apartment was spacious, for which Loki was glad. He was sick and tired of small cells and drab rooms. It wasn’t as high up as the apartment Loki had confronted Stark in during the invasion, but the view was still impressive. It was bright, airy, clean and the furniture looked quite comfortable. Considering where Loki had spent the majority of the last few years, it was practically paradise.

“It will do,” he said, as nonchalantly as he could.

Stark was still smiling for some reason. “Great. Jarvis is around both to keep an eye on you and to help you with whatever you need, so... Home sweet home. At least for now.”

 _Home_ , Loki thought with a pang of longing for the one thing he no longer had (and would never again have, damn Odin and his lies). This would have to do. It was the best he knew he was going to get.


	3. Interlude to the Avengers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter to catch up what’s been going on on the Avenger’s side.

Tony couldn’t really say he was surprised to find Loki in Central Park alive and well. Sure, he’d thought the fucker was dead, but lately death hadn’t had the same meaning to him, as previously deceased people kept popping up in various circumstances. So either Thor had lied to them or Loki had faked his death to fool Thor. Both options were possible and plausible.

The big question was not how Loki was alive, but what the bastard was doing on Earth now. One thing immediately jumped out at Tony upon seeing him, though, and that was the fact that Loki didn’t look batshit crazy anymore. Tired, yes. Crazy, no. That and his vivid green eyes. Imagine that.

Loki said he came to offer a deal, which was intriguing. As was the fact that Loki clearly wanted nothing to do with Thor (Tony couldn’t exactly blame him, he was not Thor’s biggest fan), or, it seemed, Asgard as a whole. Again, no surprise there, considering they’d chucked him in prison – although, in fairness, he kinda had it coming.

Then Loki mentioned the guy behind the invasion, and Tony took notice. It could be a trick, yes, but he couldn’t afford to pass up the opportunity. Aemon had mentioned the guy who had been after the Mind Stone way back when Tony’s parents had been resurrected, and try as they might, neither he nor Strange had been able to find anything more on this supposed ‘master’. If Loki really knew something, Tony wanted to hear it.

As Tony and Loki talked, Jarvis was relaying the conversation back to the rest of the Avengers, including Strange, who had been standing by to help should the energy signature they’d detected turned out to be magical. Well, it was. After a few moments, Strange came through with an artifact he said would block Loki’s powers. Tony didn’t think it would be as easy as it had been with Maximoff or Aemon, but as it was the best they had for now, it would have to do.

Once Loki had been deposited in a cell in the Tower – the same one that had housed Steve during his trial – Tony and Strange met with the others while Jarvis and Friday kept an eye on their… guest. Tony didn’t particularly like the idea of Loki being in the same building as his parents, but there was really no other place to put him, at least not at the moment.

“So, what do we think?” Tony asked the room.

“He seems a lot less crazy,” Bruce said, and Tony nodded. “I think we should listen.”

“Do we trust this guy?” Hope asked. She had not been around during the invasion and had no experience with Loki aside from what she’d been told.

“Trust him? Hell no! But that doesn’t mean he can’t have valuable information,” Tony replied.

“I’m more curious about what he wants in exchange for this information,” Rhodey said. “It looks like he just appeared here out of thin air, no Bifrost needed. We already know he’s powerful and can take a pounding from the Hulk, so what the hell could he possibly want from us? Also, do the guys in Asgard even know he’s not dead?”

The debate went on for a while with no real answers to any of their questions. The final decision was that they would try to get more information before approaching the Accords Panel about Loki’s deal. Vision volunteered to accompany Tony to the cells, as he thought he might be able to detect something fishy in terms of mind control.

Loki’s reaction to Vision was interesting, as was the conversation they had. Asylum. Really not what Tony had expected. There was a long story behind all that, he was sure. Everything Loki said about Thor and Asgard had an edge to it. It could have something to do with the adoption thing Thor had mentioned (Tony knew a thing or two about daddy issues), or it could be something else. In any case, Tony was curious.

Over the next couple of days, Tony and the Avengers met with the Accords Panel every day to hash out what they were going to do about Loki’s situation. Some members of the Panel were in favor of the deal while others thought it had a Maximoff vibe they didn’t care for. The problem was that there were a lot of unanswered questions about the invasion and Loki’s real role in it, as well as what had happened afterwards in Asgard. Thor had told them practically nothing. Tony had Jarvis go through Thor’s every recorded conversation (with people other than Tony himself) to see if something of use had been said. In the end, Tony and Strange were sent to question Loki again.

The story they got was… not unexpected. It had been obvious to Tony for a long time that Loki had not been entirely in his right mind during the invasion. The footage SHIELD had of him when he’d first stepped through the portal showed a Loki that was almost demented – a wild look in his blue eyes that Tony knew well, a look of fear and desperation. It made sense that Loki had also been mind-controlled – and his now bright green eyes were a testament to that. It also didn’t surprise Tony that there had been no trial. Thor’s ‘strangle first and ask questions never’ attitude probably didn’t exist in a vacuum. Plus, Dr Foster’s account of Asgard and its inhabitants had not been flattering at all. According to her, they had been rude, condescending and uncomfortably violent. In Tony’s opinion, she did the right thing in breaking up with Thor before things could get really bad for her.

All in all, Tony was inclined to believe Loki was telling the truth. Not the whole truth, of course, but most of it. He must be pretty desperate to escape Asgard if he was willing to come to _them_ for protection. Still, right now he was displaying a lot less of the condescending air than Thor ever had. Though Loki could be playing them for unknown reasons, Tony didn’t think he was, and he’d learned a thing or two about deceit and deception in the last few years.

The decision, however, was not up to him. They went back to the Panel for more discussion on whether or not to accept the deal. Basically, it boiled down to the fact that they _needed_ as much information as they could get about what was out there, and that meant they would have to trust that Loki wanted his protection more than he wanted to screw them over. With Tony and Bruce’s testimony – as well as Erik Selvig’s – and the footage they had of both Loki and his mind-controlled minions, the Panel was eventually convinced that Loki had not been acting of his own volition, which helped calm down the fears of a new attack from him. Plus the more justice inclined members were not happy about the lack of trial and Asgard’s apparent barbaric practices. The biggest concern was whether Asgard would accept their deal, because no one wanted to have to deal with _them_ on top of Thanos and his madness.

“Loki isn’t stupid. He wouldn’t bother to make this deal if he didn’t think Asgard would honor it,” Tony argued.

“We have to cover out bases here, though. What if he’s lying about what he was imprisoned for and he’s actually guilty of many heinous crimes? We don’t want to harbor any more criminals looking to evade the law,” the representative from Nigeria said, clearly alluding to their bad experience with Maximoff.

Everyone agreed that the contract had to be as airtight as possible, and include penalties for misleading or withholding information.

“What about this offer of helping to defend us? For now we have the power-suppressor. How do we know he won’t attack us the minute the thing is off?” the German Councilman asked.

Tony was pretty sure that Loki could wipe the floor with most of them even with his magic bond, but he understood the concern. Even without magic, Loki could be considered an Enhanced person with super strength and resilience – not unlike a super soldier. And the world had already had to deal with one of those going rogue. No doubt Loki could do much worse if he really wanted to. Again it came down to whether they thought Loki was being honest. And there was no way to know for sure unless they gave him a chance, which was what Tony told them.

“What has he been doing all this time?” the Mexican representative inquired.

“Nothing much,” Tony replied. “He’s been sitting in his cell reading the books we gave him.”

“He’s under 24 hour surveillance?”

“That is correct.” This time it was Jarvis who answered, projecting the face of a Legionnaire from Tony’s phone in order to give the Panel members somewhere to look. They really needed to get him a real body one of these days. “So far he has done nothing untoward.”

The Japanese representative spoke next. “What do you think, Dr Stark? Dr Banner? You are the ones who have dealt with him before. You are also the ones who will have to deal with him if we accept this proposal.”

Tony looked at Bruce, who shrugged before giving his opinion. “He’d obviously very different from the Loki we met during the invasion. I would say we never met the real Loki, so we have no way of knowing what he’s really like. All in all, I’d rather have him as an ally than an enemy.”

“I agree,” Tony said. “Thor kept saying how clever his brother was, but that was not at all what we saw in the invasion. It wouldn’t be fair to judge him too harshly for things he did under duress. And he’s not really trying to get away with it, he’s trying to help us while also helping himself – like any sensible person would. If he’s really willing to be an ally, and give us information we need, we would be fools ignore it. And if he screws us over, we’ll make him pay.”

There was something about Loki that Tony found… compelling. The guy had clearly been to hell and back, and he was still nicer – and probably more trustworthy – than the fucking ExVengers. He didn’t act like an entitled dick, seemed way less prone to violence than Thor and was smart enough to navigate diplomacy without being either too demanding or too timid.

“Dr Strange, have you had an opportunity to access his power level?” was the question from the South African representative. “How much harm could he do to us if this turns out to be a ploy?”

“I have studied the footage of the invasion and what else we know of Asgard. However, there isn’t enough there to make a conclusive analysis. I have also assessed him now, with the binders on, and there is no doubt his magic is very powerful.”

“So, quite a lot.”

“Yes.”                                    

“Which is why we should have him as an ally,” Tony repeated. “We don’t really know much about this Thanos guy, but whoever he is, he’s got an army and doesn’t seem shy about using it. We need all the help we can get.”

“But if we accept this, how long will it be until someone decides we also need Rogers and his lot?” The Indian Councilman asked, making everyone at the meeting grimace.

“That’s a completely different matter.”

“Loki is a convicted criminal, like Rogers. He still has defenders in the US who might use this opportunity to lobby for his release on the basis that, as you said, we need all the help we can get.”

“Except Rogers and his buddies would be absolutely _useless_ in this kind of fight,” Tony retorted. “The only one of them who _might_ have had something to contribute was Maximoff, and she’s dead. If needed, we can get someone else to use the Falcon gear, or Hawkeye’s arrows for that matter. Even the Ant-Man suit, now that Hank Pym is on board with the Avengers. Romanoff would be worse than useless and Rogers…” Tony scoffed. “Sure, he can punch hard… but so can all the current Avengers. And without the rampant arrogance and willful ignorance.”

“I agree,” the Romanian representative said. “We all know what Rogers and his friends can do. We have already given them our trust and they squandered it. They would get no more chances, even if they were useful. Loki, on the other hand, _could_ be an ally, and the crimes he committed here were not of his own choosing.”

“What of the crimes he committed in Asgard?”

“We don’t know that there were any.”

“We don’t know that there weren’t either. We do not want to make an enemy out of Asgard.”

The arguing went on for days until everyone was, for the most part, satisfied. The contract was drawn up with items and subclauses and all that legal jargon that drove regular people to insanity. Finally it came the day to have Loki before the Panel and get the ball rolling on it. Whenever Thor decided to show his face again, he’d be in for a surprise. Honestly, Tony hoped that wouldn’t be any time soon.

With the legalities dealt with, Tony and Strange escorted Loki to the apartment they’d set out for him. It was on the lowermost floor of the residential portion of the Tower, away from Tony’s penthouse, his parents and the lab. Friday had been put in charge of organizing it, with help from Jarvis, who had taken it upon himself to continue on Loki-watching duty.

That evening, the whole team plus Howard and Maria had dinner at the penthouse.

“So you’re really sure that this guy isn’t planning to murder us all in our sleep?” Howard asked.

“We would never let that happen, grandpa,” Friday immediately said, sounding all protective and fierce. “I will kick his ass if he so much as thinks about it!”

Tony chuckled. It still amazed him how much his parents and Friday had bonded. The first time Friday had tentatively called Maria grandma, Tony had been apprehensive, but his mom had been all smiles, clearly delighted. “I’ve always wanted grandkids,” she’d told Tony. Howard had seemed more stunned than anything when Friday tried it on him, as if he had no idea how to react. Everyone, including Tony, had found it rather cute. Now it felt almost natural. Yep, his life was weird, but it was a good weird.

“I’m sure nothing will get past you, darling,” Maria replied with a fond smile.

“But to answer your question, dad, I don’t think he will. He’d have nothing to gain and a whole lot to lose by doing so.”

“Well, he did toss you out of a window once,” Howard grumbled, not satisfied. “Can’t blame me for not liking him.”

“No, but he wasn’t himself.”

“I still think it’s odd that he went to all this trouble to escape Asgard. There must be something going on there. And the way he talks about Thor is not at all flattering,” Rhodey commented.

Tony snorted at that. “I don’t have a lot of flattering things to say about Thor either.”

“Yeah, but Thor is supposed to be his brother, not some jerk he happened to work with a few times.”

“If Thor really did let Loki get tossed in prison for something he did while mind-controlled without trying to help him, I can’t say I blame him for wanting to get away,” Hope interjected. “Aren’t big bothers supposed to protect you? Thor obviously failed at that.”

“That family clearly has issues,” Bruce added.

“And I’m gonna get to the bottom of them,” Tony said. “There is still that adoption thing that Thor never really explained.”

“If I may, Sir,” Jarvis said. “In my observation of Loki so far, I have found nothing of concern. His demeanor and attitude are vastly different from that of our first encounter with him. For now he seems guarded and apprehensive, but not threatening. Most of all, I think he seems… lonely.”

“Well, having everyone you know believing you are dead would put a damper on one’s social interactions,” Rhodey remarked.

Tony knew well what isolation and loneliness could do to a person. Humans were social creatures who needed others to be truly fulfilled. Loki wasn’t human, but Tony was willing to bet the same applied to Asgardians. Thor had certainly seemed like the gregarious type. If Loki really was as powerful as Tony suspected, having him as a friend as well as an ally would be hugely beneficial to them. If dear Natashalie were here she would no doubt try to befriend Loki for her own gain. Tony, on the other hand, wasn’t that kind of bastard. Sure, it would be useful to get Loki on their side, but Tony also genuinely wanted to find out more about the guy, because he could see a lot of potential there (and maybe some parallels between the two of them that were hard to ignore).

“So, J’s gonna keep a close eye on our new guest and we’ll see how this whole thing goes.”

“I just hope it doesn’t come back to bite us in the ass,” Rhodey said.

Tony certainly hoped so too. He’d really had enough of people stabbing him in the back.


	4. Re-framing the facts

The bed in his new apartment was incredibly comfortable, yet it couldn’t keep the nightmares away. Loki still woke up gasping for breath and choking on a scream he refused to let out. Sometimes it was the void and its unrelenting nothingness. Sometimes it was Thanos and the Mind Stone stripping away his defenses bit by bit. Sometimes it was Asgard’s prison and the taunting of everyone he had ever known, accusations of failure and of being a monster sharp on their tongues. As it was, Loki hadn’t had a decent night’s rest in years.

The books from his cell had been relocated to his new quarters, so it was to them that Loki turned when sleep proved too difficult. He still had the last Harry Potter to get through, after all.

When morning came, Loki was tired and cranky (and, if he was honest, rather upset by the deaths of some of the characters in the book). He found himself aimlessly walking around, unable to settle on anything. He should have been happy about getting what he wanted, yet all he felt was antsy. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, as the human saying went. It wasn’t that he thought the humans would double-cross him, just that he had learned through bitter experience to be wary of everything, especially when it looked like things were going his way.

“Might I suggest trying the television?” Jarvis said, startling Loki. While he appreciated having someone to talk to, it was still annoying that Loki could never tell when Jarvis was about to speak, and thus jumped every time.

“Television?” He knew what it was, of course, and how much humans seemed to love it, but it was an odd idea to Loki.

In answer, the huge TV in the living room turned itself on and on the screen there was a woman who appeared to be cooking. At the reminder of food, Loki’s stomach growled.

“Perhaps you’d like to have some breakfast first,” Jarvis suggested.

Well, it wasn’t a bad idea.

Loki went to the kitchen area and opened the refrigerator, not really expecting to find anything. However, there were plenty of things in it, from eggs and cheese to things Loki had never seen before. He’d have to ask Jarvis later. For now he took a couple of eggs and looked for a suitable pan to cook them. Jarvis gave him directions without being asked, telling him where everything was and where other breakfast options could be found.

Loki had never been a fantastic cook, but he knew enough for some simple meals, which was all he needed at the moment. It did feel a bit strange, though. It had been many years since Loki had had to worry about cooking for himself (aside from hunts with Thor, that was), or thought much about food at all. He found himself remembering some of his favorite dishes from childhood with a pang of nostalgia and longing for such simpler times, when he’d had no idea of the truth of his existence and the hardships he would face in the course of his life.

After breakfast, Loki decided to try the TV. It wasn’t like he had anything else to do, and over-thinking was to be avoided at all costs. _There must be something to this TV thing for humans to like it too much_ , he thought. The innumerous options made him a little confused and Jarvis, helpful as always, suggested he might wish to watch the movie adaptation of the Harry Potter series.

“Oh? That sounds intriguing.”

Without Loki needing to do anything, the movie began playing. The little boy playing the part of Harry was pretty much as Loki had pictured him in his mind, though the odious Dursleys were not. Only a few minutes in, though, Loki frowned.

“That’s not how the story goes,” he said, which prompted Jarvis to explain what an adaptation was and how the degree of fidelity to the source material could vary greatly from movie to movie.

All in all, it was an enjoyable experience. Loki took issue with some of the changes made, but they weren’t too terrible. It was also quite interesting how they managed to show things like magic without actual magic. It looked real, for the most part. Quite ingenious.

“All books have movie adaptations, Jarvis?”

“Correct. The final book was split into two movies, however, so there are 8 movies in total.”

Loki nodded. Well, at least that would give him something to occupy himself with for the next few days.

“Mr Stark would like to speak with you, if you are agreeable,” Jarvis announced.

“Of course.”

Stark arrived a few minutes later, this time by himself.

“So, how do you like your new digs?”

“I am satisfied with the accommodations. Thank you for arranging them.”

Stark waved a hand, as if it was no matter. “So, the Panel wants to set up your debrief for tomorrow afternoon. That all right with you?”

“Certainly. I am at your disposal.”

“Good.” He walked around as if he owned the place (which Loki guessed he actually did) and sank into the couch, watching the darkened screen of the TV with interest. “How did you like Harry Potter?”

Loki didn’t really know what to make of Stark being here, asking questions that seemed rather irrelevant. Still, it would be impolite not to answer.

“I have only seen the first one. It was… interesting,” he replied, somewhat cautiously. Was this some kind of test?

“They get better as they go.”

After a few beats of awkward silence, Loki spoke again. “Is there anything I can do for you, Stark?”

“Actually… yeah.” He put his feet up in the coffee table. “First, you can sit down. You’re already taller than me, there’s no need to loom.”

Loki raised an eyebrow but took a seat on the armchair a little distance from the human. “Very well. How can I help you?”

“Well, it looks like you’re gonna be hanging around for a while, and that we’re gonna be allies against some big bad alien intent on destroying Earth and possibly the universe. So, I figured we should get to know each other. You know, now that you aren’t being mind-controlled and there isn’t an alien army hanging over our heads.”

“I see. That sounds reasonable.” Unfortunately, Loki couldn’t help but think that this would not end well for him. Surely a hero like Stark would find Loki… lacking. However, whether Stark liked him or not, the agreement had been signed.

“Cool. So what’s the deal with this adoption thing?”

Loki flinched just a bit. He should have expected something like that, yet it felt like a punch to the gut regardless. Why did the mortal have to ask about that, of all things?

“Sore subject, I take it,” Stark said, voice surprisingly gentle. “Family issues. I know a thing or two about that. Most of us here do, actually.”

“It’s not the same.” They had not been lied to and disparaged for not being something they could never hope to be.

“No, I guess not. I take it you didn’t know until recently, then.”

“No, I did not. I was led to believe I was Odin and Frigga’s true son, like Thor. But I was never like Thor. I could never measure up, never be what I was expected to be.” There was no disguising the pain in his voice. And why should he bother anyway? The humans should know the truth about their mythical gods. Asgard was full of liars and thieves, of arrogant warmongers.

“Yeah, that must have sucked,” Stark commented, and he sounded sincere. He must have noticed Loki’s surprise, because he continued. “I know what it’s like to grow up under a shadow.”

“You have no siblings,” Loki said, still skeptical.

“No, I don’t.” He leaned back on the couch and sighed. “My father knew Captain America, you know, back in the War. Actually, my father was part of the project that created Captain America in the first place.”

Loki had read about that in the books he’d been given, though he hadn’t really paid much attention to that detail. Stark’s father, Loki had learned, was long dead. Assassinated, though that had only been discovered recently.

“My dad thought Steve Rogers was a great guy, though that’s probably because Rogers died before the shine of Cap had the chance to wear off. Dad used to tell me stories. You know, about what a great hero Rogers was. I took it to mean I was supposed to be more like that, and I just wasn’t.” Yes, Loki could see how that would have been annoying. “I honestly thought dad liked Rogers better than me.”

Thor had always been liked better, and everyone except Frigga had made that abundantly clear to him.

“My dad and I didn’t have the best relationship,” Stark continued. “Turns out we were too much alike – that is, we both suck at dealing with people. And at knowing who to trust.”

“I read about your Civil War,” Loki said. “The Captain betrayed you.”

“Yep. Son of a bitch knew my parents had been murdered and kept it to himself so he could use my money and resources to search for their killer, his long lost friend. Then they both tried to kill me.” There was less rage than Loki would have expected given the circumstances. Could Stark have… made peace with it somehow? Loki wasn’t sure _he_ would ever forgive the lies he had been told. “So I can see how you would be pissed off at being lied to.”

“I was always different,” Loki whispered, the words just flowing out. “But I never knew why. I thought I just wasn’t… good enough.”

“Yeah, I know how that goes.”

Loki looked at him and knew he was telling the truth. It was odd, though. Stark was a hero, beloved by the people of his world. An accomplished inventor and leader. He should have felt on top of the world. Yet he didn’t act like Thor, like the adoration of the people was his right. He didn’t ignore or dismiss others, even those who had once been enemies.

“So how did you find out?” Stark asked at last, when the silence had stretched for too long.

“It was an accident. I…” Loki wasn’t sure he wanted to tell this story. What if the humans changed their minds about helping him once they found out what he really was?

“You don’t have to talk about it now if you’d rather not. From personal experience, though, I can tell you that it _does_ help to get it out of your chest. And I promise I’ll listen.”

Had anyone other than Frigga ever truly listened to him? Thor generally didn’t, not to the things that mattered, and not if it went against what he wanted or believed. Odin certainly never had. Sif and the Warriors Three had barely tolerated his presence most of the time, and never had any patience for anything he said. There had been teachers and tutors over the years that were required to listen to him, at least to an extent. A few lovers (not from Asgard) who had indulged him from time to time, but… No one had ever cared to listen with no ulterior motive, just to help.

Loki swallowed hard, looking away from the mortal. If he was going to lose it all because of this secret, better do it now, before he got attached. He couldn’t deal with any more loss.

“We went to Jotunheim. Thor, myself and Thor’s friends. Odin had forbidden it, but of course Thor wouldn’t listen. We had to fight our way out against… against the Frost Giants. One of them grabbed my arm, but instead of the cold burn I expected… My arm changed. It turned blue, just for a moment. When we got back to Asgard, I went into the vault and picked up the Casket of Ancient Winters, a powerful Jotun relic Odin took after the war. It revealed the truth.”

He thought back to those moments, watching his treacherous hands as the deep blue of the Frost Giants crawled up his arms and the rest of his body. He remembered how different he felt encased in ice. In horror. A monster.

“Then Odin found me and told me the truth, finally. He took more than the Casket after the war. He took one of the monsters home too.”

For a while Loki did not dare look at Stark, wishing to delay seeing the inevitable expression of distaste. He kept his gaze forward, hands clenched at his side, and waited.

“Hmm,” Stark eventually said. “I think I’m missing something here. So you’re… what was it? A Frost Giant?”

“Yes,” Loki replied through gritted teeth.

“Okay. I mean, you’re tall but not really gigantic, but… whatever. And being that is a problem because…?” he trailed off, sounding much more curious than disgusted. Loki turned to him and saw only polite interest. “So, being from a whole different realm – species, whatever you call it – is… yeah, big adjustment there. But I don’t get it. What’s with the monster remark?”

Loki could only stare. This was not going the way he thought it would. Once he began to think about it, however, it made sense. Stark didn’t know about the Frost Giants. They had been driven from Midgard a thousand years ago. Their existence, like that of Asgard, had passed into myth and legend. Today’s humans probably had no idea the Jotnar had intended to conquer and slaughter them all like the savage beasts they were.

Reluctantly, Loki explained what the Frost Giants were and what they’d done. He talked about the war with Asgard and its consequences for all the realms involved. Stark listened attentively but said nothing and Loki could not tell what the mortal thought.

“Okay, let me see if I got this right,” Stark said at the end of Loki’s exposition. “Ages ago the Frost Giants from Jotunheim came to Earth to conquer it. Odin and Asgard’s forces intervened and saved us poor helpless mortals out of the goodness of their hearts.” He paused, watching Loki expectantly. When Loki only shrugged in response, off-footed in the entire conversation, he went on. “Then Odin defeated the Giants and stole a magical artifact they really needed from them. And a _baby_ , which was you.” Loki nodded. “That’s… kidnapping. Wow. And he raised that baby – you – as a Prince of Asgard, without ever telling you – or anyone else, I’m guessing – the truth. Until you happened to be touched by a Frost Giant and… changed to look like one of them, which is different from what the Asgardians are like.” Again, Loki assented. “And the Frost Giants are monsters for some reason I’m still not clear on.”

That made Loki frown. “They tried to destroy your world.”

“Did they? That’s a pretty big accusation. Invading a place isn’t the same as wanting to destroy it. Humans have a long history of invading other lands, you know, and I don’t think I’d call us all monsters over it. Also, going by the name, I’m guessing they prefer cold weather, so they wouldn’t have enjoyed a great deal of Earth. I don’t think they would have bothered invading the Saharan desert or the tropical regions where it’s hot as hell all year ‘round.”

Loki had no idea what to say to that.

“Seems to me they were the enemy, and that’s what you do with the enemy – you treat them as less than human, or in this case Asgardian. You paint them as awful monsters that eat little children so you don’t feel bad about killing them. And sometimes you go on thinking that even after the war is over because there’s anger and resentment over all that death.

“Just because they look different doesn’t mean they’re awful. _You_ ’re not that bad, mind-controlled invasion aside, and you’re one of them.”

“I… I was raised in Asgard,” Loki said weakly. His mind was reeling.

“Okay, so here’s a question: have you ever actually met a Frost Giant? And I don’t mean the ones you fought you because you invaded their world.”

“I… I spoke with a couple of them.” He’d spoken with Laufey to lure him into the trap and kill him. He’d spoken to some nameless Jotnar to tell them of the path into the vault so they could disrupt Thor’s coronation. None of those encounters had been long, and Loki’s impression of the Jotnar had been that they were quite stupid for falling for his deceptions. (Or maybe they had just been desperate.)

“From the look on your face, I take it they weren’t very deep conversations. The point is, if you’ve never really talked to them, how do you know what they’re like?”

“We are taught–”

“You’re taught a bunch of racist bullshit,” Stark cut him off. “What have you been taught about humans? Was that accurate?” Loki shook his head. He had already come to that conclusion. “So how can you believe what you’ve heard about the Frost Giants? A century ago people here on Earth were taught black folk and women were stupid and inferior. And guess what? That’s a load of crap. Just because someone believes something doesn’t mean it’s true.”

Now that Stark said it, Loki could see he had a very good point. Why had that never occurred to him before? He knew how Asgard liked to feel superior to other races. He knew how wrong they’d been about humans, why should the Jotnar be any different? After the war, there’d been no further contact between the two races, and the pain and loss that resulted from it had made people angry. And it was, as Stark said, easy to blame and demonize the enemy.

“And can I just say what a shitty thing it is to raise a kid to despise his own kind? That’s fucked up in _all_ the levels. Odin has just beat Ross for the crappiest dad award.”

Loki didn’t know who Ross was, but he couldn’t argue with the sentiment. Odin had been a terrible father. To him – who had never really been his son at all – _and_ Thor. It was because Odin had always indulged and praised Thor undeservedly that the heir of Asgard had grown up to be an arrogant spoiled fool who would have doomed the realm without Loki’s intervention.

Everything seemed to have gone out of control (and hadn’t that been exactly how this whole mess had begun?) and Loki no longer knew what to think or feel. His distress must have been obvious because Stark stood abruptly and clapped his hands once.

“Okay. Enough deep talk. Let’s get some lunch and then we can watch some more Harry Potter.” He walked to the kitchen and started opening cupboards while muttering under his breath. Feeling lost, Loki followed.

“I’m not much of a cook, so fair warning,” Stark said, already halfway through… whatever he was making.

“I… You don’t have to…” Stark was not a servant, he should not be doing this.

The man waved a hand in dismissal. “I don’t know how things are done in Viking land, but we don’t have slaves here on Earth. You want something done you either do it yourself or pay someone else to do it.”

“There are no slaves in Asgard,” Loki said, somewhat offended, though he really shouldn’t care. It wasn’t his home (it _wasn’t_ ). “We have… servants. At least in the palace.”

“Exactly. This isn’t a palace, though. There are no servants here. You can ask Jarvis to order food and stuff for you, but you’ll have to do everything else yourself.” Stark looked at him almost in challenge, as if expecting him to demand special treatment.

“Of course.” Loki had no problem taking care of himself, and certainly wasn’t going to ask for more than he already had.

“Good. And please don’t break stuff. Just because I’m rich doesn’t mean I have to replace everything your wreck.”

“I’m not Thor,” Loki said, now _really_ offended.

“Glad to hear it.”

The next few minutes were spent in silence as Loki observed the mortal, still confused by their entire interaction so far.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” he finally asked. It seemed to be the least he could do.

Stark gave instructions and Loki followed them, feeling a little better now that he was actually doing something. Once the food was ready, Stark loaded them both with plates and went back to the living room.

“Eating in front of the TV is a time-honored tradition here on Earth, so come on.” He patted the seat next to him. “J, play the movie, please.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Loki sat and began eating as the movie played. He had no idea what this dish was called, but it was quite good.

Stark kept a commentary going through the whole film. Loki would have been annoyed if not for the fact that the man’s observations were actually amusing. Gradually he relaxed and started to enjoy himself. He could not remember the last time he’d felt like that.

Coming to Midgard might have been a good idea after all.

*****

When Stark left, citing work he had to do, Loki went back to pacing restlessly. The movie – and their brief discussion of it afterwards – had managed to distract him from the uncomfortable conversation they’d had, but now there was nothing to do but think.

He had not expected to find sympathy from the humans. He had not expected to be challenged in his assumptions and beliefs. It was all very disconcerting and he didn’t know where to go from here.

“May I be of assistance?” Jarvis asked after a while.

Loki felt so out of sorts that he opened his mouth to say no and ended up spilling all his doubts and uncertainties out. The floodgates had opened and he could no longer stop it. _Everything_ came pouring out. All his jumbled thoughts, all his repressed anger and the pain he’d been keeping bottled up for ages just burst free in incoherent ramblings and rants.

A part of him – the part that retained some sense of rationality and dignity – was horrified by the shameful vulnerability and weakness he was displaying in front of the humans, even if he was alone in the room. He knew Jarvis was recording everything and that the others might see it, and that might not be good for him. Still, there was another part that was relieved to finally get these words out of his chest. He’d been keeping it all inside for so long that he felt like he _needed_ to speak, to let go of all that poison before it destroyed him from the inside.

Jarvis didn’t say anything for a while, other than the occasional word to let Loki know he was listening. The rational part of Loki’s brain wondered what the other thought of it all, if Jarvis thought Loki was insane. The biggest part, however, just wanted some sign that he wasn’t just shouting into the void (he’d done that, and it had nearly driven him mad), something to cling to.

After in undetermined amount of time, Loki ran out of steam and collapsed back into the couch, more exhausted than if he’d fought an army or performed a complicated piece of magic.

“I believe it would be helpful to speak to a professional about these issues, Loki,” Jarvis said, voice gentle. “I do not think I am qualified to assist you in this endeavor.”

“What?”

“We have people trained to assist individuals going through an emotional ordeal. You could ask the Accords Panel or Sir to see a therapist. I can put in the request if you wish.”

“Therapy,” Loki repeated, still in a bit of a daze now that he was all talked out. He was aware that such a thing existed, though as it was not a common practice in Asgard, he was not really familiar with it.

Jarvis explained the history of therapy and its many methods and benefits. It sounded… very uncomfortable, he thought, and inadvertently said it aloud.

“It can be, that is true. Nevertheless, many people who have tried it report it is worth it.” He paused a moment. “There is no shame in asking for help. Many of the Avengers have sought therapy.”

“Oh?” Loki could not imagine heroes like the Avengers falling apart like he seemed to be doing right now.

“Indeed. Sir and Vision are currently seeing therapists. Col Rhodes also did for a time following his injury, as did Ms van Dyne. Drs Banner and Strange are the only ones who have never done any sort of therapy, though it is my personal belief that they would probably also benefit from it.”

“Why haven’t they, then?” It was easier to keep asking questions than to go back to thinking about himself.

“It is a personal decision, so I cannot say. I can say that, for Sir, the outcome has been most favorable. No one would think less of you for making use of this opportunity, Loki, that I promise you. In fact, as per the terms of the Sokovia Accords, all members of the Avengers are required to be evaluated by a mental health professional to determine their suitability for the job.”

“I… I will consider it.”

Loki tried to get up and nearly ended up flat on his face when his legs simply refused to hold him up. He got back in the couch and lay down, feeling even more tired now. His eyes started to close and he was asleep in seconds.

*****

The first thing Loki noticed when he woke up was that it was dark outside. “What…? Jarvis, how long have I been asleep?”

“Ten hours and forty-three minutes.”

“Ten!?”

“It seems you were very much in need of it.”

Ten hours. He’d slept for ten hours straight. That was… completely unheard of.

“Would you like me to order dinner for you?”

“No, I’m… I’m fine.”

There had been no nightmares, just clear _restful_ sleep. Loki still felt a little out of sorts, but there was no denying that he felt better. Huh. Imagine that. Maybe Stark had been right and talking about things _was_ helpful.

With nothing else to do, Loki asked Jarvis to turn the television on again and checked through the different channels to see what kind of things humans found worthy of entertainment besides movies. There was a very odd assortment of things, from the mundane to the bizarre, but they served their purpose of keeping him from further thinking.

Despite the fact that he’d already slept for quite a while, Loki still felt like drifting off after a few hours. He relocated to his bed and actually fell asleep again.

In the morning, feeling much more refreshed if still confused, he had a visit from an Avenger, Banner this time.

“Good morning,” the man who housed the beast greeted after Loki had told Jarvis to let him in.

“Good morning,” Loki replied, though he realized it was almost noon.

“Tony told you that you’re speaking to the Panel today, yes?”

“Correct.”

“Good. So, do you have any questions about that?”

“No.”

“All right. Good. So, we’ll come by to pick you up at 2.”

“Are all the Avengers coming?”

“Yes. We all need to hear whatever you have to tell us about this terrible enemy out there.”

“I see.”

“Well, if you need anything you can tell Jarvis.”

At a nod from Loki, Banner departed. The man had not seemed uncomfortable or displeased in his presence, which Loki took to mean he had not been made aware of the truth of Loki’s heritage and his… breakdown… yesterday – probably for the best, really. Loki still didn’t quite know what to make of Banner. The Hulk was a terrifying enemy in sheer strength, yet there was clearly more to the man underneath. Barton had told him more about the green monster than the scientist – not that surprising, given what Loki knew of SHIELD. There was clearly much more to learn about humans, and the Avengers in particular.

Loki didn’t feel like cooking, so he just put together whatever was left in the fridge as a meal. Given the upcoming debriefing, it would be better to keep to a light lunch.

At two o’clock precisely, Col Rhodes and Vision arrived to escort Loki to the UN building and the same room he’d been to before. This time it was even more crowded, with real people in the seats that had been previously filled with monitors – it seemed the various countries’ representatives wanted to hear him in person this time. The rest of the Avengers were also there, taking the seats on Loki’s side. Stark smiled and waved at Loki as if they were friends. It was oddly reassuring.

There was a great deal of formalities to get through before they could begin properly. Loki was introduced to all the members of the Panel and was informed about the camera that would record the meeting as per procedure. Finally, Loki was called to speak.

He stood and straightened, willing his nerves to settle. After a few seconds of hesitation, he started talking. First he gave a succinct explanation of the Nine Realms and what he knew of the Infinity Stones. He told the story of Thanos’s previous attempt to conquer the Nine and the alliance that was formed to fight him, stressing that he could not guarantee the accuracy of that information. Then he spoke about encountering (or rather, being found by) Thanos and his lackeys after falling through the void. He described his captivity in as vague terms as he could, culminating with being given the scepter to come to Midgard. His role was to use the Tesseract (the Space Stone) to open a portal to allow Thanos’s army through, though he did not know how the Titan had known about the Tesseract’s location in the first place. He gave all the information he’d managed to gather regarding Thanos’s overall plans and forces, as well as past campaigns, all sadly successful in obliterating entire worlds. Thanos’s main motivation was unknown to him, but he offered what speculations he had. He finished by telling the Panel about the plans made in Asgard, in conjunction with some of the other Realms, in preparation for a new possible incursion. He did not, however, say he had been ruling Asgard in disguise.

It felt like Loki talked for hours, though he truly didn’t know how long it was. When he finally ran out of words and explanations, he felt silent and waited, feeling a mixture of exhaustion and relief that it was over.

Stark nudged a glass of water in Loki’s direction, which Loki gratefully accepted.

No one had interrupted as he spoke, but now quiet murmuring began amongst the Panel members, and Loki got ready for the inevitable questions. He was wondering if it would be okay for him to sit down when Stark tapped the table in front of him to get Loki’s attention and gestured to the chair. With a smile of thanks, Loki sat and took a few deep breaths to center himself again. In a way, talking had been easier than expected. It helped, perhaps, that he had already told Stark some of it, and that the Panel had _listened_ attentively, without accusing him of lying or twisting the truth.

Lady Farnelli took command of the assembly once again as the questions started, indicating who was to speak so that people didn’t talk over each other.

Loki didn’t bother to keep track of who was asking what, just focused on answering the questions put to him to the best of his ability. Most of it were requests for clarification or further information or context the humans lacked, as well as his thoughts on what Thanos would do next. A few had to do with the rest of the Nine, their preparations and what kind of help Midgard could expect from them.

It was dark outside by the time Lady Farnelli called the meeting to a close, with everyone looking tense and worried.

“Loki,” she said, “We thank you for sharing this information with us. You have given us much to think about. We will need some time to discuss our next steps. We ask that you remain available to answer further questions should we require it.”

“Of course.” That was the deal, after all.

“Dr Stark, we would like to meet with the Avengers as soon as possible to get your impressions and suggestions.”

Stark nodded. “I have a few things in mind already.”

Lady Farnelli smiled. “I expected as much. We will let you know when the meeting will be.” She turned to the whole room. “Thank you all for your presence, and please remember that all this information is classified for the time being.”

People began to move out of their seats, talking in pairs or small groups. Loki didn’t move until Vision approached him.

“It is time to go.”

“Right.” Loki felt like he could sleep another ten hours after this.

He expected Rhodes and Vision to drive him back to the Tower the same way they had come. Instead, Strange opened a portal and all the Avengers plus Loki stepped through, arriving back at a conference room Loki had not been to before.

“I’ll talk to the Order and get back to you tomorrow,” Strange said. He opened another portal and disappeared.

Stark sat on one of the chairs and put his feet up on the table. “I don’t know about you guys, but I think we should take the rest of the night off and start worrying about crazy aliens tomorrow. Dinner?” Everyone nodded. “J, get us some food, will you?”

“Any preferences?”

The Avengers all sat and gave suggestions on what would be a satisfying meal and Loki continued to stand there, unsure what he was supposed to do.

“What do you want, Bambi?” Stark asked as he fiddled with his phone.

“I… Whatever you are having will suffice, I’m sure.”

There was no sign of hostility from any of the Avengers, no sign that he was only being tolerated. It was almost hard to believe.

“Well, sit down. Relax,” Stark continued.

After a slight hesitation, Loki took a seat with a few chairs distance from the others.

“We don’t bite, you know,” Stark said, eying the gap between their positions.

Loki moved a bit closer, receiving an answering smile from both Stark and Banner. Lady van Dyne was typing into her phone, but looked up briefly with an approving nod. Rhodes and Vision were talking quietly and didn’t seem to take notice of him.

“So, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Stark said once everyone had placed their order and had settled in to wait for the food. “What kind of entertainment do you guys have in Asgard?”

“Tournaments, fighting competitions, plays and songs depicting great battles,” Loki shrugged.

Lady van Dyne made a face. “Do you have anything that doesn’t involve violence and bloodshed?”

“Asgard is, above all, a warrior culture, so… No, not really.”

“Ugh.”

“Sounds dull,” Rhodes agreed. It was a bit surprising to hear him say so. As Loki understood it, the man was a soldier – surely he was interested in warriorly pursuits?

“What about magic?” Banner asked. “That would probably make for great entertainment.”

Loki snorted. “Useless tricks,” he sneered. “Nothing a real warrior would engage in.”

There was an awkward silence following that statement. Loki realized he should be more careful not to let his bitterness through too much.

It was Stark who spoke first. “Ooookay. Not touching that minefield with a ten-foot pole right now.” He paused, then went on to a different topic. “What about food? Lots of game, I’m guessing, what with hunting being such a manly thing to do.”

“Yes. Though there are vegetables and fruits as well.”

The rest of the conversation was lighter and flowed much better. Everyone seemed genuinely curious about what life was like in Asgard, which Loki found a bit odd. Hadn’t Thor told them anything? It wasn’t like the big oaf not to brag about anything and everything he could conceive of. Still, Loki didn’t say anything about it, not wanting to sour the good mood they all seemed so keen on preserving.

The food arrived and Loki was challenged to try everything and give an opinion on it and how it compared with Asgard’s cuisine. Little by little, the tension of the day melted away and Loki found he was actually enjoying himself. He had not truly realized how much the isolation of the last few years had affected him. Now he wondered how he had managed to survive such awful loneliness and silence. Even talking about painful subjects (and being _heard_ ) was better than existing as a ghost.

When the food had all been consumed, Vision and Stark accompanied him back to his apartment and bid him good night. With a full belly and still somewhat high on conversation and companionship, Loki was soon asleep, no nightmares or remembered terrors to plague him.


	5. Dealing with issues

In the weeks that followed, Loki settled into his new life. He read books, watched movies and other things on television, and cooked. He found, somewhat surprisingly, that he actually liked cooking. It was relaxing and a bit like magic, in the sense of having to blend things together just so for optimal results. Plus there was a huge variety of things to try and a novelty of flavors, spices and textures to work with. Not having his magic was annoying, but Midgard offered plenty of distractions and challenges to keep his mind occupied.

He also did a great deal of what Stark termed “working through his issues”.

Loki was brought in front of the Accords Panel a few more times after the first debriefing to clarify a few things he’d said and expand on others. They certainly seemed to be taking his information seriously, and though he was not told of any plans, he was sure the humans were quite busy with them. Whenever Thanos showed up he would find a very different Earth waiting for him; he’d be in for a big surprise.

The Avengers (mostly Stark but the others as well) continuously showed up to ask for more information about the Titan and to, as Stark put it, hang out. Twice a week Loki was invited to ‘team dinners’ with the Avengers, where he was included in the conversation as if he was a part of it. Rhodes, van Dyne and Strange were the ones most guarded around Loki. Stark, Banner and Vision (and Jarvis, who Loki discovered was also an official Avenger as the pilot of the Iron Legion) were friendly and kind, though Stark was the most demonstrative one.

In one of those dinners (the second time Loki was invited), Loki cautiously approached the subject of the Civil War and what had happened to the Avengers as he had known them. Banner’s expression had immediately closed off, though he did not seem angry at _Loki_. After a few moments of silence, Stark started talking, with Rhodes and Vision adding in their impressions and opinions on the subject. Loki found himself sympathizing with Stark even more as he was told details and context his previous short research on the topic had not given him. He was well aware of how hard it was to make people listen when they were clearly more interested in keeping the status quo (which benefitted them) intact. It reminded him uncomfortably of his first time trying to rule Asgard after Thor’s banishment. Instead of having his friends’ support (as if Sif and the Warriors Three had ever been _his_ friends), all he’d gotten from them were even more problems piled onto his lap while he was already juggling a million things they were utterly oblivious of. All they’d cared about was Thor, disobeying Odin’s direct command to get him back despite the fact that he had nearly led them all into ruin. Rogers, for his part, had only cared about his brainwashed friend, indifferent to the lives destroyed in his quest to save him. Yes, Loki could sympathize.

He was, however, a bit envious that Stark had been able to turn things around and regain the public’s trust and allegiance, and that, once the so-called ExVengers were gone, he still had true friends standing by him. Loki had had none of that. If he were to show his face in Asgard right now and reveal that it had been him rebuilding the realm and fortifying its defenses, all he’d get would be derision and accusations. No matter what he did there, he knew now that he could never win. Stark, on the other hand, had won. And his enemies – the people who had betrayed him – were either dead or sitting in prison cells where they no doubt belonged.

At another dinner, Stark had tentatively asked him a few more questions about the Frost Giants and their realm. Loki had stiffened at first, but then he remembered what they had talked about, about how Asgard had been clearly biased in their views of the Jotnar. The other Avengers had obviously been made aware of Loki’s true heritage, and they all seemed to agree with Stark that, as Rhodes put it “Asgard sounds like a bunch of racist jerks”.

So Loki told them what he’d been taught about the Jotnar only to have the humans pick it apart with logic and comparisons to other situations. He had avoided dwelling on it much since that conversation, yet he had to admit that he really needed to consider the points the humans made in depth.

“I know a bit about hating yourself, Loki,” Banner said. “It never leads anywhere good. And it sounds like you, like I once did, is hating the wrong thing for the wrong reasons based on misleading information.”

While Loki appreciated what they were trying to do (and how kindly they were going about it), it was still painful. If all they said was true and the Jotnar were not the monsters he’d been led to believe, then his actions against them were even worse. He could justify destroying their whole world if they were little more than savage beasts. If not… then it was _him_ who was the monster, and it had nothing to do with his skin at all.

When Loki brought it up with Jarvis – the whole sordid tale of what he’d done, from the moment he decided to disrupt Thor’s coronation to when he fell from the Bifrost –, tired of his mind spinning in circles of guilt and horror, he was told that he could not be entirely blamed, as such prejudices and beliefs had been drilled into him his whole life.

“It does not mean that you are not responsible for your actions, or that those actions were not wrong,” Jarvis said. “Yet those actions did not exist in a vacuum. Context is always important in understanding why a person acts as they do. Also, your mental state at the time must be taken into consideration. It would mean a difference between murder and manslaughter in terms of US laws.”

Loki wasn’t sure how much comfort he could take from that, really. Still, telling the story had helped him a bit (there was definitely something to that therapy concept of expressing one’s issues aloud), even if that night his sleep had been plagued by nightmare of death and destruction.

The next day Stark showed up, and they spent a few hours talking about all kinds of things. At first the topics had been mostly trivial, but gradually they moved on to more serious matters. Loki had been a bit taken aback to learn that Jarvis had not revealed the sins Loki had confessed to, only telling Stark that Loki might wish to have another person’s take on the situation. Jarvis had told him in the beginning that he was not obliged to divulge anything Loki said unless it could be viewed as a threat, yet Loki was still surprised. It made him feel much better, though, to know that what he said to the non-corporeal being was being taken in confidence.

That meant, however, that he had to speak of it again. It was easier the second time around, and Loki found that, with time and distance now, he could more easily see how and where he had gone wrong. He could also see that he had been completely overwhelmed, floundering with no direction and no time to actually _think_ about what he was doing. It did not excuse him, certainly, but as Jarvis had said, context was important.

“Having a support system in times of crisis is really important,” Stark told him. “It’s much easier to go off the rails if there’s no one around to tell you you’re going too far, or that your plan is a mess that is bound to blow up in your face.”

Yes, Loki had to agree with that. His plan, if what he had after Thor’s banishment could even be called that, had indeed gone up in flames, carrying him down into a hell partly of his own making.

“Am I a monster, then?” he asked, though he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer.

“No,” Stark replied immediately. “Monsters wouldn’t feel bad about things, for one thing. Making a mistake, even a mistake that gets people killed, doesn’t make one a monster.”

“What am I then?” He was not a hero, that much he knew. He was too selfish, too willful. Too _damaged_.

“You’re… just a guy. A guy that got dealt a shitty hand and did some bad things with it. But that doesn’t have to define who you are. You fucked up? Yeah. Lots of people do. I did. You learn from it and make sure you never do it again. You fix what you can.”

“How? How can I fix any of it?” He’d tried to fix things in Asgard, to save it from Thor’s incompetence, and instead he’d risked two realms with threats of war. He’d tried to destroy Jotunheim. He’d killed Laufey.

And now he couldn’t even be certain Laufey that been the awful monster who had abandoned a helpless infant. Odin had lied about so many things; he could have lied about that as well, wanting to make Loki believe he owed Odin for his benevolence in saving him. What if that wasn’t true? What if instead of being ‘rescued’ from death, Loki had been just kidnapped like Stark had said? If the Jotnar weren’t monsters, maybe he hadn’t been left to die. (And now that he thought about it, a sacred temple seemed like an odd place to leave an unwanted child.)

It was one thing to kill an enemy, but what if Laufey hadn’t been an enemy after all? With all he’d learned since arriving on Midgard, he really should question everything. All his reasons for attacking the Jotnar had gone up in flames, and so had his reasons for killing Laufey. His real father, who may or may not have discarded him.

_Oh god. I killed Laufey. I killed my father. And for what? Oh god…_

“Lokes? Hey, you okay?” Stark asked, looking at him with concern.

“I killed him,” he whispered. “I killed Laufey… my father…” Bile rose in his throat and Loki had to fight the urge to throw up. _Oh god, what have I done?_ It had seemed no simple then – just get rid of the monsters and everything would be fine. He could prove himself as an Asgardian. He could prove he wasn’t like _them_ , those beasts.

Had Laufey mourned him? Had he grieved for the son he’d lost? What would he have done if he’d learned who Loki really was? Would he have been a better father than Odin? Loki would never know now. He’d never know…

“All right. Breathe. Come on, Loki. Breathe. Look at me. Breathe.” Stark had come closer, putting a hand on Loki’s shoulder and speaking softly, as if Loki was a frightened animal (maybe he was). Loki tried to concentrate on the words, to do what the human was saying, but it was hard. Stark’s voice seemed to be coming from far away and no matter how hard he tried, Loki couldn’t seem to draw a full breath. His vision was graying around the edges while his body felt like it was floating away. It was only Stark’s hand that kept him in place. “Okay, close your eyes now and just listen to me. Just listen, all right? Come on, you can do this. It’s gonna be okay, you can do this.”

An eternity passed before Loki felt himself somewhat grounded again. He was still breathing erratically and his hands shook in his lap. His whole body felt sore, like he’d run for miles.

“It’s okay, just relax. Take a big breath, come on. Like this,” Stark said, acting out what Loki was supposed to do. It was actually helpful. As Loki managed a breath, Stark smiled and kept on a litany of encouragement. “Yeah, that’s it. You’re doing fine. You’re gonna be fine.”

Finally the shaking subsided and his breathing was back under control. He still felt utterly exhausted and dreadfully ashamed. _Norns, what Stark must think…_

Loki turned his gaze and tried to angle his body away from the mortal. He would have attempted to stand if he thought his legs would be able to support him.

“I’m sorry… I don’t… I don’t know what…” he trailed off. There was no explanation or excuse for such horrible weakness.

“Hey, it’s all right. Panic attack. It happens. Nothing to be ashamed of.”

Panic attack. Yes, that seemed like an apt description. Now that he could think clearly again, he could acknowledge that he’d been scared, though of what precisely he couldn’t say. His mind had just gone round and round in confusion and horror. It was still behavior unfit for a warrior and prince, however. (Or a mage.) What was wrong with him? No wonder he’d never been good enough…

“Lokes? Come on, look at me now.”

Reluctantly, Loki complied and once again was surprised by Stark’s reaction. There was none of the disgust and pity Loki expected, only… compassion? Understanding? It made no sense.

“You’re gonna be all right. I know you feel strung out now, but it will pass.”

“How do you know?” His voice came out broken and timid, like a child seeking assurance.

“Oh, I know all about panic attacks, believe me. I’ve had a lot of them. They’re awful, but they’ll go away in time, you’ll see.”

It did not seem likely that Stark would have a similar problem, yet Loki was certain the mortal was telling the truth. He thought back to what he knew of Stark, from what Barton had told him while under the Mind Stone’s control to what he had learned more recently, by both research and observation. There had certainly been a lot of… difficulties… in the man’s life. Perhaps it was not so far-fetched after all.

“I… I’ve never… This has never happened before.”

Stark nodded. “Well, that’s good. It might happen again, though. Jarvis can help you if it does – he used to do it for me.”

“You… You no longer have these… panic attacks?”

“Not for a while, no. Last one was… uhm… several months ago. Like I said, it gets better.”

It was Loki’s turn to nod, though he fervently wished this would be a onetime thing. He wasn’t sure he could handle this happening on a regular basis.

“You should get some rest,” Stark said, standing up. “I know Jarvis has mentioned it, but you really should consider giving therapy a shot.”

“Could I not speak to you?” Loki said before he could really think about it. God, he sounded like a lost child.

“I can listen if you want me to, sure, but I’m not really qualified for proper therapy.”

“You’ve helped.” Listening was enough, Loki thought. It was more than he’d ever had. Loki was actually starting to believe that Stark really cared.

“Well, that’s good. I’m glad I have. Still, a professional would be able to do even more. One thing doesn’t exclude the other, you know. We’re still… We’re still here if you need it.”

He said ‘we’ so casually, as if it was a given that Loki was someone who merited care and consideration from all the Avengers.

“Why?” he couldn’t help but ask. “This isn’t part of the deal.”

“Why do we want to help you? Well, for starters, because it’s the right thing to do. Because you need it. I’ve been there, I know what it’s like to hit rock bottom. I can’t just look the other way. You’re not a bad guy, Loki, and you deserve a chance.” He made it sound so easy, so obvious… Asgard had never thought Loki was worth anything. “Get some rest, okay? We can talk more later.” He paused for a moment. “Don’t… Don’t be too hard on yourself. That whole mess… It’s not just on you.”

After Stark left, Loki dragged himself to bed and curled up there, willing his mind to just… stop. Eventually, he managed to fall into a somewhat restless sleep.

*****

Not all days were so emotionally tumultuous, though. There were times when he could almost say he was enjoying himself amongst the mortals. Stark did not press him to keep harping on about his past traumas or to see the suggested therapist. It did feel a bit as if the others were walking on eggshells around him, which Loki wasn’t thrilled about. Still, it was better than being either vilified or ignored.

At another team dinner, Loki was asked about magic. Strange, obviously, wanted to know how Loki’s magic differed from what he knew and understood about it. Stark and Banner, despite being somewhat reluctant to accept such terms as ‘magic’, engaged in the conversation with interest. Vision, van Dyne and Rhodes watched the rest of them with amusement.

It had been a long time since Loki had had a captive audience to speak of magic, and he found himself getting swept away in his enthusiasm, though the others didn’t seem to mind. It was very unfortunate that he could not demonstrate what he was saying with his magic locked away. By the glint in his eyes, however, Stark was looking forward to the bracelets being removed as much as Loki. He kept talking about taking readings and measurements and running tests “to figure out how it works”.

At the next dinner, Asgard’s stand on magic was brought up again by Lady van Dyne. Now feeling a more comfortable with the mortals, Loki saw no reason not speak of it. The Avengers were, as Loki had come to expect, less than impressed by Asgard’s prejudices.

“So you’re saying that magic is a ‘womanly thing’ and therefore less admirable.” Lady van Dyne said with a frown.

“Yes.”

“But didn’t Thor have a female friend who was a warrior too?” Banner asked.

“Lady Sif, yes. She despised magic as much as the rest of them. Perhaps because she herself had no talent for it. Or perhaps because she did not wish to be seen as a woman, only as a fearless warrior.”

“It’s still stupid,” Stark said. “Looks to me like the men didn’t want to admit they were outclassed, so they made magic into a worthless thing. It’s typical, really. It’s still really dumb. I would think magic would be a heck of a lot more useful in general than being able to hit something really hard.” He paused, eyes widening. “Oh my god, Asgard is the land of jocks!” He shook his head. “No wonder I never hear anything good about it.”

Loki didn’t understand the reference, so Stark, Banner and Rhodes explained it.

“And like all jocks, they don’t like women either,” van Dyne added. “Except, probably, for the ones that fawn at their feet.” Her expression was one of distaste. Loki did not know her well, but he did know she was an accomplished woman in many fields, and as such would not wish to be seen as less than what she was.

“Thor never really spoke of Asgard to you?” Loki asked, watching Stark and Banner curiously.

“That would imply we actually talked to each other. We didn’t. When Thor was around, he hung out mostly with Rogers,” Stark answered. “I tried to get some info out of him a few times, but he either dismissed me or sprouted that ‘we are too advanced for you primitive mortals’ crap. I figured he didn’t really know much about Asgard’s tech anyway and didn’t waste my time anymore.”

“Yes, that does sound like Thor, ignoring everything he does not know or care about as unimportant.”

“No wonder he and Rogers got along. Peas in a pod of willful ignorance, those two,” Stark replied.

“If he’d told us any of this, there would have been a lot of alarms bell ringing,” Rhodes added. “Before the time he almost strangled Tony to death, that is.”

“He did?” Loki asked in alarm, eyes unwillingly going to Stark’s throat to check he was fine, even though it was obvious he was.

“Looks like talking with one’s fists is par for the course in Asgard,” Stark said with a shrug. “At least now I know it wasn’t really about me.”

No wonder Stark (and the others) didn’t like Thor. “Rough-housing is common, even amongst comrades, but Thor should have remembered that you are mortal.” It didn’t sit well with him that Thor’s carelessness could have caused Stark serious injury, even death. “I hope you had stern words with him about it.” Not that it probably did much good. Thor never listened to anything he didn’t want to, specially his own faults. He might have claimed his banishment to Midgard had made him a wiser man, but that was clearly not the case.

“There was never any time for that, actually. We had bigger fish to fry then. The Ultron mess I told you about. And then he fucked off to Asgard and we haven’t seen him since.”

“Good riddance,” Banner muttered under his breath. Rhodes and Vision nodded.

“I never met him,” van Dyne said, “but he sounds like an ass, so… just as well he’s not here.”

“And if he ever comes back, we’ll have words with him,” Banner added.

Rhodes nodded. “Yeah. He might be a big shot in Asgard, but Earth doesn’t give a crap about him. And people aren’t too keen on buffy blonds who talk with their fists anymore.”

Loki smiled. He would really like to see Thor put in his place by these mortals.

“You stick with us, Lokes. We’re nerds like you,” Stark told him.

It was not the first time Stark had used that… nickname… yet Loki had never really thought about what it might mean. He was aware that Stark was in the habit of calling people by such nicknames or monikers – he’d done it back during the invasion as well, even while they were on opposite sides. This, though, seemed different. Loki had been called a lot of things in his life (Silvertongue and Liesmith, among others) and none of those names had ever been meant in a positive way. He’d tried to repurpose those names, to take pride in them, but it had never worked, not really. They had always been said with disdain and derision by those who looked down on him. But now… There was nothing derogatory about ‘Lokes’. On the contrary, it almost sounded like affection. (He had noticed that Rhodes occasionally called Stark ‘Tones’ with clear fondness.)

 _Don’t get your hopes up, Loki. Remember that these people are not your friends, however nice they might be now. You are a means to an end to them_. _It doesn’t mean anything._

“Thank you, Stark,” he said anyway. Being polite was the least he could do.

“Tony.”

“What?”

“Call me Tony.”

Loki swallowed. “Thank you, Tony,” he repeated, now desperately trying not to read too much into it. _It doesn’t mean anything._

Stark – Tony – smiled at him.

*****

The discussion on magic went on in other meetings. Strange also showed up on his own a few times to ask Loki some questions on behalf of his Order. In turn, Loki learned more about Midgardian sorcerers. Despite the fact that they had existed for centuries, Loki had never known of them. Apparently they were able to conceal themselves from other magical beings. They had been tasked with the protection of one of the Infinity Stones, though Loki was not told which one.

The Stones were another topic of conversation between him and the Avengers. Sadly, Loki really didn’t have much more to tell them than he already had. In fact, considering that the humans had had time to study both the Tesseract and the Mind Stone (as well as the one the Strange’s Order had), they probably knew more about the Stones’ inner workings than Loki.

Strange was an odd fellow, in Loki’s opinion, arrogant yet eager to learn. His cloak appeared to be a sentient being, though incapable of speech. Loki had heard of such magical relics – and even seen a few in Alfheim – but nothing like the Cloak. It intrigued him both by its existence and its attitude. On some occasions when the Avengers were all together, the Cloak had shifted between Strange and Stark – Tony. Tony actually talked to it, greeting it with a smile as it settled on his shoulders and tickled his cheek. Strange didn’t seem to mind, simply rolling his eyes at them.

Perhaps it should not be that surprising that Tony spoke to the Cloak as if it was a person. He had, after all, created an artificial life – several, in fact. Aside from Jarvis and Vision (who was only partially Tony’s creation), there was also another AI in the Tower named Friday. This Friday, however, did not interact with Loki much, as she (everyone used female pronouns) apparently had other duties (or maybe she just didn’t like Loki). Sometimes Loki wondered what Asgard would make of Tony Stark and the rest of the current Avengers. He wondered what _Thor_ had made of Tony, and what he’d think of this new team who were not the traditional warriors Asgard was used to (and who were not impressed by him).  

He talked about Thor eventually. It had been festering inside him for so long, it was a relief to get it out of his chest at last. The Avengers listened and were, for the most part, sympathetic – and now Loki knew exactly why _they_ didn’t care for Thor. Rhodes was the most skeptical one, however, in the sense that he sometimes challenged Loki’s accounts of events.

“It’s not that I don’t believe you,” the man said. “But we have to remember that everyone sees things differently. I have no doubt that he was an asshole to you a lot, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s the devil, or that everything he and his friends did was aimed at putting you down.”

“Does it matter what his intentions were, though?” Lady van Dyne asked. “Whether he meant it or not, he _was_ putting Loki down, and that hurt.”

“It matters,” Tony said. “No in how much it hurt, of course. It matters on whether or not he wants to change and do better. I think it would matter on deciding if Loki wants to give him another chance.”

“Thor’s had plenty of chances,” Loki hissed. “He has never once thought about what he does. Do you know what he said to me when we were fighting on the Bifrost before it was destroyed and I ended up in the void? He said ‘whatever I’ve done to offend you, I’m sorry’. _Whatever_. He doesn’t even know, and doesn’t care to find out. He probably thinks it was all in my head, just me being too sensitive or dramatic. He only cares about me as long as I remain in my place – at his shadow, doing whatever he wants.”

There was an uncomfortable silence following Loki’s words. Tony grimaced and shook his head slightly while the others looked like they didn’t know what to say.

“Yeah, I get it,” Rhodes said. “That’s a dick thing to say. Still, it’s not that simple seeing outside one’s privileges. It doesn’t mean he can’t learn, if he really wants to.”

“I don’t believe that he does,” Loki stated firmly. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to try anymore. Perhaps he still loved Thor in some way, but he would no longer accept being belittled. Now that he had a taste of what it was like to be an equal – and how ironic that he’d found it amongst the humans who had once been his enemies – he refused to go back to being the scapegoat begging for scraps.

“All I’m saying is that maybe – _maybe_ – there’s more to blondie than you’ve seen so far,” Tony said. “When no one ever calls you on your shit, it’s hard to know you’re messing up. If all Thor’s ever gotten is that he’s god’s gift to Asgard and the universe, then it’s no wonder he’s an entitled dick. Maybe if he gets knocked down a few pegs, he might start seeing things differently. Doesn’t  mean you have to forgive him. But for your sake and that of Asgard as a whole, we can’t just write him off as a lost cause.”

Loki sighed. What Tony said made sense, of course. That was why he’d sabotaged Thor’s coronation in the first place. At the time, he had believed Thor could be better. He wasn’t sure he still believed that, but maybe the humans would have more luck getting through to him. Perhaps if Thor had stayed in Midgard longer during his exile, what he’d learned from his human friends might have had more time to actually sink in.

“Well, if you want to beat your heads against that wall, be my guest. I hope you succeed. Norns know I never did…”

Tony gave him a rather nasty smile. “Oh, don’t worry about it. If Thor shows up again, I know just who to sic on him to teach him a few very important lessons he is in dire need of learning. He won’t know what hit him, trust me.”

Loki frowned, looking around at the smirking humans. He felt like he was missing something.

“Who are you talking about?”

“Hmm, that’s classified for the moment. Maybe you’ll get to find out at some point.”

In the past, Loki would have been angry about not being trusted. Now, he understood the humans’ caution – from them, it was deserved – and he actually believed that he might be included on whatever secret this was eventually. “All right.”

Perhaps he should do the therapy as suggested. So far, his experiences talking to the Avengers had been positive. If Jarvis and Tony were to be believed, a professional would be even more helpful in assisting him with his ‘issues’. There seemed to be more to gain than lose in trying, after all.

He would not be alone, at least.


	6. Interlude to the Avengers 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shorter chapter from Tony’s perspective. Then we’ll go back to Loki for the last 2 chapters.

That Loki had issues had been apparent for a long time, but Tony had no idea those issues were so profound – or that Asgard was so fucked-up as a whole. It made Tony feel really sorry for the poor bastard, and all the more determined to help him in any way he could. The fact that Loki hadn’t turned completely psycho after all that was a testament to his character and strength, and Tony really admired that. Others had gone down much darker paths for a lot less.

So he insisted with the others to include Loki on their team dinners and to give the guy a chance. They were still a bit wary of Loki and of trusting him, which was understandable, but after hearing how much shit Loki had had to put up with, Tony was convinced Loki was telling the truth, and that he wasn’t a bad guy. In fact, he was really starting to like him. All the things he’d said about Asgard were consistent with the little Dr Foster had said and their observations of Thor. That place was a nightmare and Tony felt it was their duty as Loki’s new allies to offer him some positive interactions for once.

It did not take long for the rest of the Avengers to agree with Tony. The more they learned about Asgard, the less they liked it. It wasn’t just the blatant racism of calling the Frost Giants monsters and humans goats (and who knew what they said about the other races of the Nine Realms). It wasn’t just the sexism of thinking only manly things like beating people up with a big hammer were worthwhile pursuits. It wasn’t just the disdain for everything different from what their warriors did, including magic, which… boggled the mind, really. Doing magic was a lot more impressive than beating someone up. It was all those things combined, on top of the disgusting sense of superiority – apparently Odin still referred to his own people as gods. No one was impressed, and no one was willing to let that kind of thinking go unchallenged.

Aside from all that, Loki was a genuinely cool guy. Their conversations about magic were a lot of fun, even if the rampant breaking of the laws of physics offended Tony on a personal level. Even Strange, who was generally skeptical and a bit haughty, seemed to enjoy getting a new perspective on that crazy stuff he called magic. It was a real shame that the bracelets prevented Loki from being able to demonstrate the things he talked about – and thus also prevented Tony from scanning the hell out of it to figure out how it all worked.

All in all, everyone was beginning to warm up to Loki – and Loki was clearly warming up to them as well. The look on his face when Tony had asked him to call him by his first name had been almost heart-breaking, as if the man couldn’t believe he was actually among friends. Tony had been going to spell it out for him, but then decided not to be so heavy-handed and leave Loki to figure it out for himself. No doubt it would take him some time to really trust them, given his shitty experiences, and Tony could certainly understand that.

When the Thor issue came up, Tony wasn’t really sure what to think. He could, of course, sympathize with Loki, and Thor seemed just as bad as Rogers with his arrogance and self-righteousness. Still, Rogers wasn’t evil, just selfish and misguided. Being told in no uncertain terms that he had been _wrong_ (and then thrown in jail as a consequence of those mistakes) had finally managed to get it through his thick skull that he was not god’s gift to the world. Before that, he’d mostly had people falling all over themselves to give him everything he wanted and shield him from all consequences (Tony, regretfully, had been one of those people), so he’d never learned. Tony had washed his hands of Rogers and his minions after the trial, so he didn’t know how any of them were doing, but it was quite possible that Rogers was beginning to get a better grasp of reality. Thor, being a prince – and one that apparently could do no wrong in the eyes of his people – must have been even more indulged and enabled than Rogers. Like Rogers, he wasn’t evil, he’d just never learned to see things from other people’s perspectives. He’d grown up with Asgard’s prejudices and bias and no real life experiences to counter that. He was, essentially, the poster-boy for the privileged spoiled child. Still, he might be able to learn better. The big question was, would he want to?

Much as Tony disliked Thor, it would be unfair to just write him off without at least giving him a chance. On the other hand, it was a lot easier to push for understanding when it wasn’t about him. Sure, Thor had almost killed him that time, but it hadn’t been personal. Tony wasn’t sure he’d be willing to give him any more chances if he were Loki. (He sure are hell was done with Rogers.)

*****

A few days after that conversation, Tony had dinner with his parents at their apartment. He had been keeping them apprised of the Loki situation, though he had not divulged too much in the way of details. Tony thought his mom might be the perfect candidate to knock some sense into Thor (she had certainly made an impression on Rogers). She was, after all, already eager to say her piece to the guy who had almost choked Tony to death.

“Sounds like manners and politeness aren’t very important in Asgard. Or using actual words to communicate,” Maria said in distaste after Tony gave her an overview of the situation.

“They seem to follow the ‘might makes right’ school of thought,” Howard added. “And they think they’re better than us? Yeah, right,” he snorted.

“They seem to think they’re better than _everyone_ ,” Tony replied. “And for a thousand years no one has challenged that.”

“What do you think this Odin is gonna do when he finds out Loki is here?” Howard asked.

“According to Loki, nothing, really. He might send Thor, but we can deal with him. Maybe finally teach him some important life lessons that got neglected along the way.”

“Well, I want to have a few words with him,” Maria said, a dangerous glint in her eye.

Tony laughed. Yep, that was exactly what he was counting on.

“So, do we get to meet Loki? I admit I’m curious now, after everything you and the others have said about him.”

That was something Tony had been thinking about, actually. Loki had said mostly positive things about his own mother (the little he’d said on it, at least), so perhaps a bit of mothering might help him. Tony was pretty sure his mom would like Loki. Her mother’s instinct would go nuts on the guy, and Loki sure looked like he could use some of that.

“You sure he isn’t playing some game, messing with everyone?” Howard was still skeptical, obviously. Tony couldn’t really blame him.

“Sure? Can anyone ever be sure of anything when it comes to people? No. But I don’t think he’s playing a game.”

“I agree with Sir,” Jarvis interjected. “I have been observing Loki since his arrival and I’ve yet to detect any sign of deceit or falsehood in him.”

Tony made a ‘there you go’ gesture at his father. “We have corroboration for some of what he’s told us. He might be exaggerating Asgard’s awfulness a bit, but I don’t doubt it’s a shitty place to be if you don’t fit the mold.”

Howard sighed. “All right, fine.” He could probably sympathize with Loki as well, to an extent.

“He seems really lonely,” Tony commented. “He keeps being surprised that we still want to hang out with him, that we’re not putting him down at every turn.” And that was also something Tony could understand quite well; he still expected criticism from the New Avengers sometimes.

“Well, then,” Maria said. “You should invite him for dinner one of these days. I think I’d like to see for myself what he’s like.”

“I’ll have to clear it with the Accords Panel first,” Tony told her. Their resurrection was still ‘need to know’ and, technically, Loki didn’t really need to know. “Dad?”

Howard shrugged. “Well, if nothing else, it will give us a chance to make sure he knows there will be consequences if he steps out of line.”

“He already knows that, dad.” And if anyone was gonna scare him into compliance, Tony would put money on Maria rather than Howard. “Don’t scare him too much, okay? I think the poor guy is already traumatized enough.” In between learning where he really came from, being tortured by a crazy alien, being tossed in prison by his own family and losing his mom, Loki had had enough trauma to last several lifetimes. Really, it was a miracle he hadn’t cracked completely.

It was odd, though. When Loki had first arrived, Tony had been worried about him being in the Tower so close to his parents. Now, however, he was looking forward to introducing them to Loki. He wondered what Loki would think of them and the circumstances of their resurrection.

Loki didn’t know as much about the Infinity Stones as Tony had hoped, unfortunately. There were still flying blind on that, which made Tony really antsy. This Thanos guy seemed to be going to some trouble to get them, and it sure wasn’t for anything good. Knowing that the Stones were magical artifacts of great power didn’t help them at all – Tony had already figured that out for himself, thank you very much. What he needed was a way to either counter their power or destroy them for good, and Loki had had nothing to offer on that.

“Do you think the Panel will agree?” Howard asked, bringing Tony back to the conversation.

“I don’t know, probably. We’ll have to make him sign a NDA so he doesn’t go babbling about it. In any case, it would probably be useful to have another magical expert take a look at you guys and maybe the Soul Stone as well. The more we know the better.”

“Hmm… I’d like to ask him some questions about the Tesseract. Back in the day, we found out that the cube was associated with Norse mythology. In fact, the Red Skull found it in an old temple in Norway. The legends surrounding it never made any sense to me, but I never had an actual Norse god – alien – to explain them before.”

“I kinda wonder about some of those myths too now,” Tony said. There was some pretty fucked-up stuff in there – stuff he hoped wasn’t true because… yikes.

Maria then asked how Friday’s body was coming along, and the conversation turned to other things.

*****

Before talking to the Panel, Tony brought up the idea of Loki meeting his parents with the other Avengers.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Tones?” Rhodey asked.

“Come on, Rhodey. You’ve talked to Loki. He’s not a villain.”

“I know that.”

“He’s not a liar either.”

“Maybe not, but I’m not sure we can believe him completely either.” Rhodey raised a hand to forestall Tony’s objections and continued. “I’m not saying he’s lying, but his view is pretty biased. With good reason, I know, but… Things are never as black and white as he’s making them sound. The warriors of Asgard are probably assholes, but that doesn’t mean _everyone_ on the entire planet is. That’s not the point, though. The point is we can’t be sure what he’ll do with this information in the future.”

“What can he possibly do with it?” Tony countered. “It’s not really that valuable.”

Rhodey gave him a look. “You know that’s not true. Resurrection is a big deal. There’s a reason the Panel – and all of us – want this kept secret.”

Tony sighed. “Okay, point taken. But I still think we can trust him with it.”

“I think telling Loki is a good idea,” Bruce said, and Tony sent him a grateful smile. “We know Loki has trust issues, and letting him know we trust him with this would go a long way towards strengthening _his_ trust in _us_. The more we show him that we’re on his side, the less likely he’ll be to want to screw us over.” Bruce probably knew a bit about what it was like to be disliked and distrusted on principle, and how much that messed one up. “Plus I think it would help him emotionally, and the more stable he is the better for us. Aside, of course, from the humanitarian reasons.” Yep, Bruce could definitely relate to Loki a bit.

There was a pause while the others thought it over. Hope was the next to offer her opinion.

“I’m with Tony and Bruce. This might help him deal with his issues.”

Hope had a lot of daddy issues of her own that she was only beginning to work through. Tony had been quite surprised to receive an apology from Hank Pym, and he knew that the old bastard had only done that for Hope, to try to salvage their relationship. The apology itself had been somewhat less than sincere, but it proved that Pym was at least willing to listen to his daughter. One of these days they’d have to tell Pym about Howard being alive so that those two could finally put their grudges to rest and focus on more important things.

“Viz?” Tony prompted.

“I have no objection.”

“Strange?”

“They’re your parents,” he shrugged. “And yes, I suppose it could help, for the reasons Bruce mentioned.”

Rhodey sighed. “Okay, I guess the majority has spoken.”

“You worry too much, Honey-bear. Loki isn’t going to go psycho on us. I’m sure of it. He’s not like that.”

“I hope you’re right, Tony. And that you aren’t just seeing what you want to see because you identify with him so much.”

“For what it’s worth, Colonel,” Jarvis said, “I agree with Sir’s assessment of Loki’s character.”

“See, Platypus? J isn’t reckless like me, so if he thinks this is a good idea it’s because he’s analyzed all the possibilities.” Tony grinned at the nearest camera.

“Fine, fine, you win.” Rhodey threw his arms up in surrender.

“What do you think, Fri?”

“I don’t really know Loki that well, but if Big Bro says he can be trusted then it’s fine with me.”

“Great! So now all we have to do is talk to the Panel.”

*****

There had been a great deal of preparations going on since Loki had told them what to expect from Thanos. One of their priorities was recruiting more people to assist in Earth’s defense, not only to join the Avengers but to bolster local forces all around the globe. Sadly, that was not a simple endeavor. Tony didn’t doubt that there were more Enhanced people out there, but so far they didn’t seem all that keen on making themselves known to the world. Considering what SHIELD had been doing to such people behind the scenes for decades, it was hard to blame them for being scared. Rogers’s selfish crusade had also not done the Enhanced community any favors. While most people had settled down after the ExVengers had been caught, tried and convicted, there was still a lot of fear that a new Rogers was just around the corner. Tony was already thinking of how to introduce Loki to the world in a way that did not induce a panic.

Aside from finding new people, they were also busy building some kind of planetary defense. That had its own set of problems, mainly that weapons of any kind had the potential to be used against humanity once the threat of invasion was past. Tony categorically refused to allow any more of his weapons to fall into the wrong hands, which meant that anything he came up with would have to be used by him and only him, which was… a complicated proposition for the Panel to agree to. They had been trying to come up with a compromise, a way to make sure that in order to use any kind of weapon of mass destruction (against an alien fleet) there would need to be a lot of people to input codes, and that the weapons could not, under any circumstances, target civilian territories or Earth itself.

The satellites Tony had been working on for some time were just about ready to be launched. They would be able to give them advanced warning of any approaching ship, provided they did not come through a portal. Loki had told them that Thanos was a long way away, and as such it would take him some time to reach Earth traveling by ship, but he had no idea how long because it was impossible to know what kind of ships he had. The ones from the Chitauri were not very fast, but Thanos could find other – faster – ships if he was really determined to get here quickly. All in all, Loki estimated they had only a few more years to prepare, especially considering how many of the Infinity Stones were currently on Earth.

For now, a lot of what the Panel was doing was making sure there were emergency plans in place to take people to safe locations should a new invasion happen. That meant building shelters and back-up energy facilities that could keep communications and basic services going in the event of an attack. SI and Pym Technologies were at the forefront of those efforts, with help from many other companies around the world. Wakanda had volunteered a lot of their technology as an apology for their part in the Civil War and their harboring of the ExVengers. It was also, of course, an attempt to get back into the world’s good graces, with somewhat limited success so far.

With all that going on, the Panel was quite busy, so Tony couldn’t bring up the matter of Loki being told of his parents’ resurrection right away. Also, as the planning progressed he had more and more things to do personality, like getting the satellites up and running. Still, he did manage to squeeze it in eventually. As he’d expected, the Panel didn’t object as long as Loki signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement. They had more pressing matters to worry about. One of the big items next on the agenda was whether or not to let the general population know about the impending threat, and that was going to be a _huge_ discussion Tony wasn’t particularly looking forward to.

 _At least I’m not being ignored anymore_.


	7. Making friends

After a great deal of thought, Loki finally decided to accept Jarvis’s suggestion to speak to a therapist. While a part of him was ashamed at needing help, another part (the part that had always rebelled against Asgard’s notions of what he should do or be) understood that it was not a weakness. Tony Stark was not a weak man and he was in therapy. It was time to put Asgard’s prejudices and biases behind him and forge his own path in his own way. Trying to fit into Asgard’s mold had never worked. It was time to find out who _Loki_ was – not Asgard’s second (spare) prince, not Thor’s brother, not Odin’s son (yeah, right). _Loki_.

“I think you’ve made the right decision,” Jarvis told him. “I will contact the Panel with your request. It will probably be a few days before a suitable doctor can be found, however.”

 _Great_ , Loki thought, _plenty of time to second guess myself_. Aloud he simply thanked the AI.

Second guessing or not, just knowing the wheels had been set in motion helped a bit. It would not be so bad, he kept telling himself. He’d spoken to the Avengers and it had been fine. He could do this and come out better for it. He _would_. (And then perhaps rub it in Thor and Asgard’s faces that he would not be defeated, not by anyone.)

His sense of self had taken a massive hit in the aftermath of the discovery of his true parentage, and it was only now that he was beginning to rebuild it. He had finally figured out what he _wasn’t_ – he wasn’t a monster, he wasn’t less than Thor. Now all he had to do was figure out who he _was_.

It still hurt to think about losing his family (or rather the illusion of family) and his actions as a result of it. He knew that Jotunheim was still standing and that they had a new king, though Loki had not looked too closely into their affairs during his tenure as king of Asgard. Now, with his new understanding of Asgard’s misinformation on the Jotnar, he wished he’d taken the time to learn more. Did Laufey have more children who had succeeded him on the throne? (Did Loki have brothers?) How many had been injured in the Bifrost attack? How were they faring without their old king? Did they know what Loki had done? All those were questions he had no answers for, and was unlikely to have for a long time, if ever. With his magic bound, he could not travel to Jotunheim, and the humans had no means of traveling to other realms on their own. Even if he could travel there, however, it would probably not be a good idea. What was he supposed to tell them anyway? ‘I’m sorry’? It hardly seemed enough for trying (actively trying with no mind-control involved) to destroy their world.

Loki shook his head and tried to put those thoughts aside. There was nothing he could do about any of that right now. Perhaps one day he could return the Casket to Jotunheim, but that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. He needed to concentrate on the things he _could_ do something about, like sorting himself out and helping the humans. Once Thanos was defeated, he might be able to begin making amends to Jotunheim as much as possible.

He turned on the television for some background noise, which he’d found helped keep him from thinking too much, and headed for the kitchen. There were a few new recipes he’d seen on his favorite cooking show that he wanted to try. Who would have thought that he’d find cooking programs so absorbing? There was nothing even approaching something like it in Asgard, but Loki had become quite fascinated with the human notion of teaching others to do pretty much anything by making videos of it.

“Sorry to interrupt, but Dr Strange would like to speak with you, Loki,” Jarvis announced. Loki had gotten used to him by now, so he no longer jumped on hearing his voice.

“Very well.”

Strange never bothered with elevators or doors unless he was with the other Avengers, but he always asked permission before entering Loki’s apartment. It was nice change from the way Thor used to just barge into his room whenever he felt like it – until Loki had put a spell on the door to keep the idiot out (and then the window, after Thor decided to bypass the door by flying in).

As soon as the portal closed behind Strange, the Cloak detached himself (it was, apparently, a he) from the sorcerer to go peer into the kitchen, as if to see what Loki was cooking.

“Hello, Strange,” Loki greeted. “Cloak.”

The Cloak gave him a little wave with one bottom corner and went back to inspecting the pans. Strange rolled his eyes at his relic’s antics.

“Loki. I have a few questions for you, if you don’t mind. We’ve encountered a new magical artifact and I’d like your opinion on it.”

“Certainly.” Instead of simply showing him the object, however, Strange produced a tablet with pictures of it. “I would be more helpful if I could see it myself.”

“Yes, I know, but we don’t want to go poking at it just yet. Hence the pictures.”

It was not something Loki had ever seen before, though it did look somewhat familiar. “Where did you find it?”

Somehow the discussion on the mysterious artifact turned into a conversation about the merits of different kinds of magical objects. Loki had a lot to say regarding the various magical items he had used in the course of his life, and Strange seemed actually interested. The Avenger asked about Thor’s hammer and the supposed ‘worthiness’ required to lift it, having heard a tale from Tony and Banner.

“It has nothing to do with worthiness,” Loki snorted, though of course at one point he had believed it just like Thor. Once he’d had time to study the magic of Asgard that Odin, or any king, wielded, he’d realized it was just… a trick. Mjolnir was keyed in to Thor by means of Odin’s magic, and the so-called ‘worthiness’ was just a pretty story to tell Thor to make him feel superior and important. During Thor’s exile, Odin had simply changed the key that allowed Thor to access it, stipulating a specific frame of mind under which to function.

“Hmm,” Strange said in response to Loki’s explanation. “But Vision was able to use it during the Ultron mess, according to the others.”

Loki shrugged. “Vision is a being unlike any other, and artificial construct embedded with an Infinity Stone. Odin’s magic probably didn’t account for someone like him to exist, and therefore he was able to bypass the security measures.”

Strange smirked. “So there is a logical explanation for the hammer. Stark will be pleased to hear it.”

“Of course there is an explanation. Thor just doesn’t understand how magic works beyond the most basic notion, so he believes whatever asinine thing Odin tells him.” Loki was embarrassed that he’d fallen for the same stupidity when he really should have known better, but at that time he’d still harbored some hope that one day _he_ might be worthy of a weapon like Mjolnir.

The Cloak hovered around them as they talked, occasionally doing weird somersaults and contortions as if he was trying to tell them something. At some point, he even settled on Loki’s shoulder, lapels brushing against his cheeks.

Strange didn’t seem to mind. “I have no control over him,” he said with a shrug when Loki asked if he was annoyed by Cloak fluttering around getting cozy with other people. “And he seems to be a fairly good judge of character, however that works.”

“Is that so?” Intriguing.

“Oh, yes. There are people he definitely doesn’t like. Rogue magical users for one. Would-be muggers. People who shoot at me.”

“You’ve been shot?”

“Just once, by the brother of a guy I apprehended trying to set up a magical bomb. The Cloak pulled me away so I was fine.”

The Cloak did a little twirl and a bow, and both Loki and Strange laughed.

It was a fun conversation and Loki was disappointed when Strange said he had to go back to the Sanctum to deal with the artifact.

“Perhaps you could bring it by later, if you determine it isn’t dangerous. I might be able to tell more.” He didn’t really think that would be the case, but it would be an excuse for Strange to come back so they could talk some more.

Strange nodded and the Cloak went back to his shoulders. He opened a portal (one of these days Loki really had to ask about _that_ ). “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Then he was gone, leaving Loki alone with his thoughts once more. With a sigh, he returned to his cooking.

*****

The next day, Banner came by while Loki was writing in his journal. It was something that Jarvis had suggested, as it was a widely used therapy tool. At first Loki hadn’t been sure about it, but after a few days he had to admit that it was… comforting, in a way. He could just write whatever he wanted, Jarvis had told him, and no one would read it unless he authorized it (not even the therapist he’d be getting). Its purpose was to help him make sense of his thoughts and feelings in a way that allowed him to go back to them later, if he so wished. Like everything else he’d tried in Midgard, it seemed to be helping.

He put the journal in his bedside table when Banner arrived and greeted his guest.

“How can I help you, Dr Banner?”

“Hmmm, actually, I was thinking more along the lines of how I could help you.” He paused, looking a little unsure. “And you can call me Bruce.”

This was the second Avenger to offer the use of his first name, and Loki was still not sure what to think of it. It was probably too much to expect that these people could actually become friends, however much he might wish it.

“I’m not sure I understand,” Loki replied, a bit wary.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about what you said, about being… a Frost Giant.”

Despite all his progress in accepting the Jotnar were not monsters, Loki couldn’t help flinch a little at that. It was unnerving to discuss it so casually when he’d spent so long trying _not_ to think about it.

“And it occurred to me that, considering… hmm, everything you told us about Asgard’s views of… your people… that you might want to… figure out a bit more about it.”

Loki tensed. “What do you mean?”

“We took a lot of scans and samples of Thor while he was here, to have a basic understanding of his physiology. You know, in case of emergency. We could try and do the same to you and see how you’re… different. If you want, of course.”

His first instinct was to refuse to even entertain the idea. It would mean having to look at himself and his treacherous skin, at the coldness that lurked just beneath the surface. But he forced himself to think about it rationally, not emotionally. There was merit to what Banner – Bruce – said. He knew virtually nothing about the Frost Giants (about _himself_ ) aside from the prejudices of Asgard. Wouldn’t it be useful to know? Wouldn’t it be _better_? The unknown was always more frightening, which was why Loki had always sought to learn as much as he could about everything.

“I…” He wanted to say yes, he really did, yet the word wouldn’t come out. What if at least some of Asgard’s notions were correct? What if… What if the humans were actually disgusted by his true appearance? It was easy to say they didn’t care when they’d never seen a Frost Giant, had no idea what they looked like.

“It doesn’t have to be now, of course,” Bruce said. “When you’re ready. If you want. I just thought…” He trailed off, looking away from Loki. “As I said, I know what it’s like to hate yourself for something you can’t help. I thought… I thought the Hulk was a monster too. It took a long time to come to terms with the truth, because that meant confronting some things about myself that I didn’t want to acknowledge. And I certainly didn’t do it willingly. I had to be beaten over the head with it, really.” He smiled ruefully. “But it was worth it in the end, and I’m grateful for my friends for helping me through it and not letting me hide and run away anymore.”

“And what if I don’t like what I find?” Loki asked timidly.

“There is nothing to like or dislike, Loki. You are what you are, and there’s nothing wrong with it. So what if you’re different from Asgardians? Or humans? Or the elves, or whoever lives in those other realms? There shouldn’t be any judgment attached, any better or worse.”

“And if you find me… hideous?”

Bruce gave him a look. “I turn into a nine-foot tall green behemoth. Vision is an artificial being with pink skin and an Infinity Stone on his forehead. Jarvis is an AI who doesn’t actually look like anything, same with Friday. Tony’s got his bots, who are not at all human, and we all like each other and get along just fine. We’re gotten used to different beings in the last few years, Loki. Whatever you look like, it doesn’t change who you are.”

 _It doesn’t change who I am_ , Loki thought. _That’s nice._ _But who am I?_

“I will… think about it.”

“Okay. Take your time. We won’t force you to do anything.” Bruce gave Loki a sad smile. “I know none of this is easy. It’s a lot to process. Just remember that… we’ll help you in any way we can.”

“Thank you,” Loki said, unsure what to say in the face of such kindness. ‘Thank you’ seemed so inadequate to express the immense gratitude he felt, yet he could think of nothing else.

“So, hmm, have you read any more interesting books?” Bruce asked, obviously trying to change the subject to something lighter. Loki appreciated it, and the other’s desire to keep the conversation going.

“I have, actually. I’m constantly amazed by the variety of themes and styles you have.” It was also interesting that intelligence and cunning were often important traits in Midgardian heroes. Sure, there were heroes more in line with the warriors Loki was familiar with, but they were not at all the norm. How refreshing.

They launched into a discussion of literature that Loki thoroughly enjoyed. It had been a long time since he’d had the opportunity for something like this. In Alfheim he had had many fascinating discussions on a wide range of topics, but in Asgard all everyone ever wanted to talk about was fighting (or, occasionally, politics, which wasn’t exactly fun either).

When Bruce left, Loki was in high enough spirits that he thought he could handle seeing his true skin without freaking out because, as he was really starting to believe, he wouldn’t have to do it alone.

*****

Vision was still a puzzle to Loki. He understood the circumstances of his creation, but not really the science behind it. As far as he knew, the Infinity Stones had some kind of sentience, though they were not true beings. The fact that one of them had somehow become part of an actual sentient being was… unprecedented, to say the least. In theory, such a thing should be extremely dangerous, yet Vision seemed perfectly nice. Intelligent, reasonable, and above all not hell bent on universe domination. Truly a miracle.

Perhaps not that much, considering his code – the thing that made him who he was – was partly derived from Jarvis, who was also nice. Loki had no idea how Tony had been able to _build_ a person – a soul – out of strings of numbers. It was magic of a different sort than Loki was used to, a kind he didn’t really understand, though he would like to some day.

Magical constructs existed, but Loki had never heard of one as complex and perfect as Jarvis (and, he assumed, Friday). That a mortal could do in a handful of years what mages throughout the Nine had not managed in millennia was astonishing. And humbling. Clearly there was still a lot to be learned about the universe, no matter what Asgard believed. Loki considered himself very fortunate to have such an opportunity.

The sight of the Mind Stone no longer bothered him as it had when he had first arrived. It was still dangerous, no doubt, but for now its malevolence seemed to be contained, perhaps even gone completely. Now that Loki felt more at ease with the Avengers, he tried to learn more about Vision and his ‘relationship’, for lack of a better word, with the Stone. Or perhaps that was just the excuse he used to get Vision to talk to him.

It helped that Vision seemed just as curious about Loki as Loki was of him. Vision was still learning about humans, and apparently he found aliens fascinating as well, so he indulged Loki in his questions.

“Do you… feel anything from the Mind Stone?” he asked.

“It is hard to describe it. There is… something there, but… I cannot tell what is the Stone and what is myself. Or if the two are different at all.”

“What does Tony say?”

“We have performed as many tests and scans as we can, yet the Stones remain a mystery to us. It is impossible to determine how the Stone interacted with Jarvis’s code to create me, how much of me comes from each one. Or how much Hydra’s tempering affected it.”

“Was that how the witch got her powers? Her “magic” came from it?” It was not truly magic, Loki thought. It couldn’t be. What it _was_ , however, he couldn’t begin to guess. And now that she was dead, they would probably never know.

Vision looked away, expression becoming distant. “Hydra did many experiments on it even before using it on the Maximoffs. We have most of their records, but going through them is… distasteful. Their methods were… horrifying, and resulted in many people’s deaths. We have not been eager to truly examine them, especially now that the twins are dead and Hydra is, for the most part, dismantled.”

Loki knew that Vision had believed the witch to be a friend and had therefore been hurt by her attack on him. Perhaps that hurt still lingered, making him reluctant to do anything that reminded him of her.

“Would it be possible for me to review that data? Perhaps I can find something of use to us about the Stones. And I don’t have any emotional attachment to Hydra or the witch.”

Vision turned back to Loki. “That might be a good idea. I will speak to the others about it. You might be able to be more objective. I confess that I find that… difficult.” He paused, seemingly unsure what else to say. “It is disconcerting to know I was so wrong about her.”

Loki nodded. He had been wrong about most of the people in his life as well. Even his mother (he still went back and forth on whether she really was that) had lied to him. Despite knowing how hard he’d always struggled to fit in, to fulfill the expectations placed upon him, she had kept her silence. Why? He had tried asking her while stuck in the dungeons yet he’d never gotten a satisfactory answer. Because Odin had commanded it? Shouldn’t his well-being have trumped that? Because she didn’t want to hurt him with the truth? She could not have possibly thought that they’d be able to keep that secret forever. It would have been better to have learned it from her instead of the way it actually happened. Perhaps then he would not have reacted so badly. Loki had thought he could trust her and it hurt to have been so wrong. Now she was dead and he would never have the chance to talk to her and understand it.

“Betrayal is a terrible thing,” Loki murmured. Odin’s lies hurt less, because Loki had not really expected the king to put him first. Even before knowing the truth, he’d known that Odin’s regard for him was not high. Unless it benefitted him or Asgard, Odin had no need to tell the truth about anything. Not telling Loki was a better strategic decision to keep control of him, which was more important to Odin than Loki himself. Frigga… was a different story altogether.

“I have tried to think of it as a lesson,” Vision said. “It helps sometimes.”

“A lesson,” Loki repeated thoughtfully. “Yes, I suppose that is a good way of looking at it.”

“I hope to not be so deceived in the future.” Vision looked intently at Loki as he said it.

“I have no intention of betraying anyone,” Loki replied, a slight edge to his voice.

“I am glad to hear it. I think we all have much to learn from one another. And much to gain from friendship.”

Friendship. Yes, that would be nice.

*****

It had been a week since Loki had seen Tony, and there also hadn’t been any team dinners. _They’re busy_ , Loki told himself. Still, Strange, Bruce and Vision had been around for a little bit, but not Tony. He didn’t want to seem clingy by asking where he was, but Tony’s absence was worrying. Had Tony decided not to bother with Loki anymore? Had something happened to him? No, someone would have told him, Jarvis or one of the others. Maybe Tony was just busy and Loki simply wasn’t that high on his list of priorities. Why should he be? Tony had an important job and proper friends to hang out with.

“Ms van Dyne would like to see you, Loki,” Jarvis announced, breaking Loki out of his troubling thoughts.

“Yes, of course.” Lady van Dyne and Rhodes were the ones Loki had had the least contact with since he’d arrived. Loki was under the impression that neither of them liked him much, even though they were polite and nice enough.

“I hope I’m not intruding,” Lady van Dyne asked as she entered.

“Not at all. Please come in.”

She returned his smile and took a scene on the couch. “So, first of all Tony wanted to me to tell you that he’s been really busy the last few days. He’s on his way to Europe right now, actually, to oversee a project he’s been working on for the Panel. He said you guys can continue your movie education when he gets back.”

Loki nodded, hoping his relief at her words wasn’t embarrassingly obvious. Watching movies with Tony had been a very enjoyable experience so far. Not only were the movies themselves interesting in either theme or execution (or both), but Tony was also great company, with his never-ending (and humorous) commentary that often diverted into discussions on various topics.

“Anyway, I came here today to… I don’t know… Talk, I guess,” she continued.

“Oh?”

“I hear you’ve decided to see a therapist. I think it’s a great idea.”

“Jarvis and Tony have insisted it would be beneficial.” And not a sign of weakness or deficiency as he might have thought.

“Yeah, I agree. I myself have been in therapy on and off for years.”

“And it has been helpful to you?”

“For the most part, yes.” She sighed. “The thing is… I’ve been thinking about what you said the other day. About Thor and your… relationship.”

Loki raised an eyebrow, wondering where she was going with this.

“I… I know a bit about what it’s like to be estranged from your family, so I thought… Well, I thought we could talk about it if you want.”

“I was unaware that you had siblings.”

She shook her head. “I don’t. I’m an only child. My mother died when I was a child and my father lied to me about the circumstances of her death. I only found out the truth a few years ago.”

Another person who’d been lied to by parents, Loki thought. “I’m sorry.”

“After my mom died, my father… he pulled away. He focused on work and… ignored me. He was never there when I needed him, too caught up in his own grief and his own issues. He never seemed to understand how much his actions and his distance hurt me. It’s only been in the last few years that we’ve really started talking again, and even then it hasn’t always gone well. I was prepared to just… walk away and give up on him altogether. It would have been hard and painful, but I couldn’t keep hoping only to be disappointed time and time again. So I understand if you don’t want to try with Thor anymore. At some point, you have to think about what’s best for yourself and your mental and emotional health.”

In Asgard, no one would ever have told him to prioritize himself or decline to give Thor another chance. No one would have believed the mighty Thor could be in the wrong in the first place.

“Thank you,” Loki said. These people _understood_. Each in their own way, they had gone through similar things, had similar experiences. He was no longer the odd one out, the outcast. Here, among the Avengers, Loki had found people who had been where he was.

It was… extraordinary.

“If I may give you a piece of advice, though,” Lady van Dyne went on.

“Of course.”

“It might be that Thor really doesn’t get what he’s done, and how it has affected you. You could try, one last time, to get through to him. We can help explain your side of things to him. Then, if he still refuses to acknowledge any of it, you can honestly say that you did what you could and then reached your limit.”

They would be on his side, Loki thought, utterly in awe at that realization. Tony, Bruce, Vision, Lady van Dyne, perhaps even Strange and Rhodes… they would be on his side because they understood Loki. Because they… cared.

“I appreciate your advice, Lady van Dyne. I will take it into consideration if Thor comes back.”

“It’s Hope.”

“Pardon?”

“I think we can do first names, don’t you? It’s Hope.”

“Hope. Thank you.” He smiled and she smiled back.

Hope. Yes, maybe he had a bit of that, finally.

*****

Loki didn’t want to admit it, but he really missed Tony. The others were nice enough, and it was kind of them to come check up on him, to offer company and advice. It wasn’t the same, though. Unfortunately, Jarvis said Tony would be quite busy wherever he was in Europe for the next few days.

The therapist wasn’t available yet, so Loki was left with his own thoughts and worries once again. They were not quite as terrible as in the early days of his stay in Midgard, when it felt like his entire world was falling apart again and everything he knew had been turned on its head. Now he just felt… lonely.

It was a very odd feeling, considering Loki had been alone most of his life. Thor had been a companion and a brother ( _lie_ , Thor had _never_ been his brother), but perhaps not a friend. At least, not for a long time. They had been friends as children, inseparable even. Loki had admired Thor then – his strength, his confidence, his ease with people. As time passed, however, the distance between them grew and grew until it seemed there was nothing left between them but the ghost of the past (the ghost of _lies_ ). Going along on Thor’s “adventures” stopped being exciting and fun to become a chore and an exercise in frustration. A burden. Loki had felt obligated to go to keep Thor and his stupid friends from getting themselves killed because they were too reckless to realize when they were in over their heads. No matter how much Loki tried, Thor had simply refused to hear the truth about his own failings. There had been no other way to make himself heard except for that desperate plan that had ended in ruin for everyone – specially Loki himself. Throughout it all, he had been utterly alone.

Now, after nearly two months of near constant interaction with the Avengers, Loki was floundering again because Tony was gone. He had latched on too quickly and too deeply despite his best efforts not to. Having been given a taste of friendship, Loki had found he _needed_ it far too much. _Craved_ it. And with Tony gone, Loki was lost again. More than that, he was terrified that it had all been an illusion (or rather a delusion brought about by his own loneliness) and now the truth would break him all over again. Both Hope and Jarvis had told him Tony would be back as soon as he could, but… It was hard to really believe it. It was hard to believe Loki wouldn’t be abandoned at the first opportunity. That had been the story of his life so far, hadn’t it? He’d been used – by Thor, by Asgard, by Thanos – and then discarded like yesterday’s trash when his usefulness was gone.

“Loki? Are you well? You seem distressed.”

Loki was startled out of his pacing by Jarvis’s voice.

“I’m… I’m fine,” he replied, knowing it was a bold-faced lie. It had been a very long time since he’d been truly well.

“Perhaps you’d like to read a book or watch some TV?”

Yes, something to occupy his mind would be good, he thought. Unfortunately, he quickly found he couldn’t concentrate or relax. He flipped channels endlessly, unable to focus on anything but his own turmoil.

It had been a while since he’d left Asgard now. Had Odin told Thor of Loki’s survival? Was he being hunted across the realms? Would Thor show up here, demanding to take Loki back to prison, to make him pay for all his crimes? What if the deal he’d struck with the humans wasn’t enough? What if Thor ignored it all and dragged him back to that hateful cell for the rest of his life as he’d once promised? Loki would be alone then. Completely alone. Forever.

It was getting hard to breathe again. Loki’s legs felt shaky even though he was sitting down. The room seemed to get darker, his thoughts going all over the place. Back to that prison, to those walls… he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t… he couldn’t move. His body refused to obey. It was all spiraling out of control. The void, the cell, Thanos’s taunts, the Mind Stone ripping through his mind… He saw it all, felt it all. Again. And again and again and again. It hurt. Norns, it _hurt_.

 _Please… please_ …

“Loki! Loki!”

There was someone shaking him, shouting right into his face, but he couldn’t see… Couldn’t understand any words other than his name.

Was he drowning? It felt like he was drowning. Why was it so hard to breathe?

“Loki, come on!”

Loki blinked several times, trying to make sense of what was happening. There were hands on his shoulders, a slight pressure that helped him ground himself again.

“Take slow breaths, come on.”

Loki did his best, using the physical contact as a point of focus, one of his hands gripping the couch and the other reaching out to hold on to the arm keeping him in place.

Slowly, his breathing stabilized and his vision began to clear.

It was Rhodes who was there, hovering above Loki with a concerned expression. “All right?”

‘All right’ would not be the word Loki would use, but he nodded anyway, letting go of the other man’s hand. He tried to stand up, to put some distance between them now, and failed miserably. His body refused to move at all.

“Take your time,” Rhodes said. “I’ll get you some water.”

Loki watched him go still dazed and disorientated. “What…?”

“It appears you had another panic attack,” Jarvis told him. “I was unable to reach you, so I requested assistance from Col Rhodes on your behalf.”

Anyone else would have been preferable, Loki thought, though he didn’t say it. Jarvis had been trying to help, after all.

It wasn’t that Loki disliked Rhodes – more like the other way around. Rhodes had probably not been happy about being summoned to babysit a freaked out Loki. Once again, Loki wished Tony wasn’t busy wherever he was (and if that was the case, he might not have lost it in the first place…).

“Here.” Rhodes handed Loki a glass of water.

“Thank you.” The other man didn’t have to come here. The least Loki could do was show some gratitude, even if he wished none of this had been necessary.

Loki dutifully drank his water and let his heart calm down until he felt back in control of himself. He could finally breathe normally again.

“Better?” Rhodes asked once Loki had placed the empty glass on the coffee table.

“Yes, thank you. I’ll be fine now. You can go back to your duties.”

Instead of leaving, however, Rhodes took a seat on the armchair, watching Loki with sharp eyes. The scrutiny made Loki fidget on the couch, ashamed of his weakness, though he knew by now that it wasn’t really. It was easier to be vulnerable around the others. He didn’t know Rhodes, couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“You know, I’m starting to see why Tony is so invested in you.”

“Oh?” Was that a good or bad thing? Loki had no idea.

“Yeah. There are some very obvious similarities between the two of you.”

Yes, Loki was aware of that. It still didn’t make Rhodes’s meaning any clearer. Or maybe it was just that Loki’s mind was still a bit scrambled from earlier. He certainly used to be better at figuring people out.

“Has this happened a lot?” Rhodes asked. “The panic attacks?”

Loki gritted his teeth, looking away. “I’m sure Jarvis can tell you all about it,” he replied, somewhat petulantly. _He promised he wouldn’t, though_.

“I’m not asking to be nosy or to… I don’t know. Whatever bad thing you might be thinking. You’re our responsibility now and I want to make sure you’re okay.”

If it had been any of the others saying so, Loki probably wouldn’t have so much trouble believing it, but Rhodes… “You don’t even like me.” _Why should you care?_ went unspoken.

Rhodes sighed. “I don’t really know whether I like you or not, to be honest. I don’t know you that well. But that’s beside the point. I don’t need to like you to want to know if you’re all right.”

Loki thought about standing, putting more distance between them. His body still felt too lethargic and uncooperative for him to really do it, though. _Damn_.

“This is the second time,” he said at last. It wasn’t like Rhodes couldn’t get the info from Jarvis or Tony if he really wanted to.

“Do you know what triggered it?”

It could have been any number of things, really, Loki thought. He tried to recall what he’d been thinking about. Thor, Asgard, the dungeons, being alone and forgotten… When had he become so pathetic that the mere thought of going back to prison could incapacitate him like this? He used to be better than this. Back before his world had crumbled to pieces…

“I know you’ve requested a therapist. I’m gonna see if I can speed that up.” _Because you obviously need it_ lingered in the silence. Loki couldn’t even argue with that.

“Thank you.”

“You can talk to us if you need it. While Tony’s not here, I mean. Or just whenever.”

 _Us_. It sounded odd. Why include himself? Rhodes could just as easily fob him off on one of the others.

Something in Loki’s expression must have given his thoughts away because Rhodes continued. “Like I said, you and I don’t know each other that well yet, but… you don’t seem like a bad guy after all.”

Loki said nothing, though he began to relax a bit. Perhaps even with Tony gone (temporarily), he wasn’t actually alone. Maybe he wasn’t that deluded in thinking the Avengers might be his friends.

Maybe.

 


	8. Becoming part of something new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, guys. Final chapter. I hope you like it.

Loki’s first therapy session, a few days after his second panic attack, was… not quite what he’d been expecting. Dr Hamad was a short man with graying hair and a mustache. He wore dark-rimmed glasses and comfortable-looking clothes, not the formal wear Loki would have imagined. There was no “talking about his issues” – not yet anyway.

“It is important to set boundaries and understand what we are going to do before we start actually doing anything,” the doctor had said. “Plus, since all of this is new to you, I want to make sure that you’ll be comfortable with the process and with me.”

So Dr Hamad had told him a bit of his own training and experience and why he’d been chosen as Loki’s therapist. He also said that, if at any point Loki wanted to stop or speak to someone else, he could make those choices with no negative repercussions. It almost sounded like the man was trying to get him to back out, and that was weird.

“It’s not that. However, in order for therapy to be truly effective, a patient must be willing and comfortable with their doctor. I simply want to ensure that that is the case here.”

All in all, there were more explanations and information than any actual talking. Later, Jarvis told him that first sessions were often like that, which made Loki relax a little – it wasn’t that he was a particular difficult patient, just normal procedure.

“I’m sure there will be more talking in future sessions.”

For now, they had scheduled two sessions a week. The first meeting had been in Loki’s apartment, but beginning with the next one they would go to another room in Stark Tower which had been set out for that purpose. Dr Hamad said it was best to talk at a neutral location, and since Loki was not allowed to leave the Tower to see the doctor at his regular office, that compromised had been reached.

The following day, Loki was trying to distract himself from thoughts of therapy with a book when Jarvis announced Tony was back and wanted to talk to him.

“Hey, what’s up, Lokes?” Tony asked with a smile. “Did you miss me?”

Loki hoped the ‘yes’ wasn’t so painfully obvious on his face as he held himself still with some difficulty. “Hardly noticed you were gone,” he replied in as bored a tone as he could manage, not wanting to seem too pathetic (though he had, in fact, counted each day of those two weeks).

“Well, I missed you,” Tony said, which made Loki freeze in shock. “And home. And everyone.” _Oh_. _Well, of course_. “It was kinda fun launching satellites, but, man, I’m glad to be back home.”

“Launching satellites?”

“Yep, that’s what I’ve been doing for the past couple of weeks. Didn’t anybody tell you?”

“No. I was only told you were doing something important far away.”

“Well, launching satellites is certainly important. The idea is that we’ll be able to detect incoming ships, like from an invading fleet, hopefully early enough that we’ll have some time to prepare and get our ground defenses organized. Though it would be better if we had ships of our own, we’re working on long range weapons to keep at least some of the ships from entering orbit.”

“Yes, that sounds like a very good idea. I take it you were successful with your satellites, then?”

“Yeah, it’s mostly done. Now we just have to keep fine-tuning them and analyzing the data we get.” Tony dropped into the couch and stretched his legs out on the coffee table. “What about you? What have you been doing while I’ve been slaving away?”

“Nothing much,” Loki replied. The truth was that Loki really didn’t have much to do beyond reading, watching TV and cooking. When no one came to see him, he was left idle, with no real purpose or project, which was… well, good and bad. It was good to have no responsibilities for once, nothing resting on his shoulders. On the other hand, he did miss being productive and contributing something.

“I hear you’ve started therapy. That’s something. How is it going?”

So Loki told him all that Dr Hamad had said and how Loki was still a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. It felt good to talk to Tony and be reassured that he was not stupid or weak to be worried. After some deliberation, he also told Tony about the second panic attack.

“You’ve been through a lot, Loki. It’s to be expected that you’ll have some problems coping with everything. But I think you’re doing really well.”

It was easier to believe it when Tony was the one saying it for some reason. He had personal experience with it, after all, so he knew what he was talking about.

“Oh, and Vision mentioned you volunteered to check over Hydra’s data on the scepter. It’s been approved by the Panel, so you can start on that as soon as you want. You’ll be working with Jarvis on it. Is that all right?”

“Of course. I look forward to it.” Finally a chance to be truly useful instead of just sitting here twiddling his thumbs. It would also be interesting to collaborate with Jarvis. It had been quite a while since Loki had had the opportunity to take part in a team project. In Asgard it had rarely happened at all, but there had been a few in Alfheim. Tony, Bruce, Vision and Strange would probably also get involved once he got through the available material. Yes, that would be very interesting. “You can send it over whenever it’s convenient.”

“Cool. J, you got that?”

“Indeed, Sir. I, too, look forward to it.”

Tony suggested they watch a movie and Loki readily agreed. It was not the same watching things without Tony’s commentary. This time, Tony chose what he announced was a classic from the 80s.

“It’s called E.T. It’s about an alien that gets lost on Earth.”

Loki gave him a bit of a sideways glance at that description, but didn’t say anything. There certainly seemed to be no shortage of movies about aliens on Midgard, none of them particularly accurate as far as Loki could tell.

The movie wasn’t quite what Loki expected, though. For starters, the alien in question didn’t look human at all, and it wasn’t trying to conquer the planet like in most movies. The protagonists were children who found and befriended the alien, trying to keep it from being discovered by the government. And it had a happy ending, with the alien returning home after saying goodbye to his new friends. Rather different from what he’d seen so far, actually.

“I always thought it was pretty cool the way E.T. managed to build a machine to call home out of scraps of Earth tech,” Tony said once the movie had ended. “If I ever found myself on another planet, I’d try to do that too.”

Yes, that sounded like Tony. However, it implied that Tony would have someone to call, people who would be looking for him. Loki had no one. He’d tried, stuck in that rock with Thanos and his henchmen, to reach out to Asgard with every magic tricks he had. Even if he had managed to get through, he wasn’t sure it would have made any difference. Would Odin have even bothered to attempt a rescue? No doubt he’d have found it easier to declare him dead and the problem taken care of. It certainly hadn’t taken much to convince Thor of Loki’s demise both when he fell into the void and on Svartalfheim. In contrast, Tony had remained missing in Afghanistan for three months and his friends had never given up on him, never stopped trying to find him and bring him home.

“Lokes? You okay?”

Loki shook his head to clear away those thoughts. “Yes, just… thinking.”

From the look Tony gave him, it wasn’t difficult for him to figure out what those thoughts were. “Yeah, no more of that. Let’s get some food and you can tell me what cool things you’ve learned about Earth while I was gone.”

The “coolest” thing Loki had learned was that the Avengers might be starting to think of Loki as a friend, but Loki didn’t say that, worried that doing so would jinx it somehow or make him sound way too clingy. Instead, the talked about things like new recipes and those silly yet endearing cat videos humans loved so much.

Eventually, however, it was time for Tony to go.

“So, there’s something I want to tell you. People I want you to meet, actually,” Tony said as he prepared to leave.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, so… uhm… how about tomorrow?”

“Certainly. My calendar is free, as you know.”

“Right. Yes, of course.” Tony seemed nervous, which was odd.

“Is there something the matter, Tony?”

“No, no. Nothing like that. Just… yeah, you’ll… you’ll see. Tomorrow. You’ll need to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement first, which means you agree not to talk about it to anyone outside of authorized personnel.”

Loki nodded. It wasn’t like he even had anyone to tell anything to, except for the Avengers. And Dr Hamad now, he supposed.

“Okay, great. So I’ll come by tomorrow with those papers and then we can go up to the penthouse.”

Now Loki was curious about this big secret, and it was nice to be considered trustworthy to keep it. He retired to his bedroom and wrote in his journal for a while, marveling at how much his mood and outlook had improved with Tony’s return.

*****

The next day was spent reading until Tony showed up with the promised document. He explained it in more detail and Loki signed it. Once it was scanned and sent to the proper authorities, Tony clapped his hands together.

“Okay, so that’s that. All squared away. So it’s… on with it now.”

“I don’t understand why you seem so nervous,” Loki told him, noting the other’s odd hesitance. “If you’d rather not tell me after all, I’ll understand.” Of course he wanted to be trusted and included, but it wasn’t worth upsetting Tony over it.

“No, it’s just… I trust you.” He sounded sincere, and Loki couldn’t help bask in it. There had not been many people who did. With Frigga gone, that number had gone down to pretty much zero.

“So what’s the problem?”

“Right. So… I guess I should tell you the whole story. Aside from meeting the people I mentioned, we could also use your help in finding out what happened and how. It has to do with the Infinity Stones. Or rather, one Stone in particular.”

Loki frowned, unsure where this was going. “Was the Mind Stone used on someone else?” Were there more people with powers derived from it? That could be problematic. Though he would have expected to have been told about it already.

“No, not the Mind Stone. The Soul Stone.”

That was not what Loki had been expecting. The Soul Stone was perhaps the most mysterious of them. Its capabilities were rumored to be many, most of them dangerous and, in all honesty, frightening.

“You have it?” Loki asked. Strange had said his Order were guardians of one. As far as Loki was aware, The Soul Stone’s whereabouts were unknown. Could it have been in Midgard all this time?

“Yes, we have it. By accident. A guy we suspect was sent by Thanos – or, more likely, one of his lackeys – showed up with it and we took it from him.”

So not the one in Strange’s keeping. That meant there were three Stones currently on Midgard: Mind, Soul and another. Time? That was the last one, wasn’t it? The Space Stone within the Tesseract was in Asgard’s vault. The Aether – the Reality Stone – had been given to the Collector for safe-keeping. The Power Stone was somewhere outside the Nine, according to Thor’s last report. Even though he had not been able to find its exact location, from what he had gathered it was being guarded carefully. So Thanos would really have to come to Midgard if he wanted all of them.

Tony was watching him shrewdly, as if he knew exactly what Loki was thinking. Perhaps he did. He had to know all of this as well.

“It’s dangerous to have so many of them together,” Loki said.

“Yeah, we know that. Unfortunately, we can’t really get rid of them. As least we know where they are. More importantly, we know where they _aren’t_.” Not in Thanos’s possession, he meant. “What do you know of the Soul Stone?”

Loki had already told them what he knew, though he had refrained from sharing unsubstantiated rumors. “Nothing concrete, only rumors.”

“At this point we’ll take anything.”

“Very well. It is said that it could, theoretically, be used to resurrect the dead, though I would not recommend trying it.”

“Why not?”

“Something like that…” Loki shook his head. “It goes against the natural laws of the universe. There would be a price.”

“What sort of price?” Tony asked, mouth tight.

“I don’t know. It’s just a rumor anyway.”

Tony sighed. “Okay. What else?”

“Another rumor is that it could be used to trap the souls of the living, making them essentially slaves to whoever wielded the Stone.” That idea had scared the hell out of Loki when he had first heard it, and it seemed even more horrific now.

“Isn’t that what the Mind Stone does?” Tony frowned.

“No. The Mind Stone can interfere with memories and will, but its control is not absolute because the mind would always be fighting to regain its freedom. If the rumors are true, the Soul Stone would make a person into a soulless shell, an empty husk devoid of thought or self. And, unlike the Mind Stone’s powers, it might not be reversible at all.” Loki shuddered and saw that Tony did the same. “It might be a fate worse than death.”

“Well shit,” Tony said, face pale. “I’m glad we have it, then.”

“Yes, that is a very good thing indeed.”

There was a rather lengthy silence while Tony digested that information, hands twisting nervously on his lap. Then he took a deep breath and composed himself to continue.

“Okay, that’s… freaky as hell. As for the resurrection rumor… well, turns out that one is real.”

Loki’s eyes widened. “You resurrected someone? Are you crazy?” Messing with things like that was not a good idea at all, no matter how tempting it was.

“It was an accident!” Tony defended himself. “I didn’t mean to do it! Didn’t even realize at first.”

“What happened?” How could one use an Infinity Stone for something like that by accident?

So Tony told the story of his parents’ return to life and how the Avengers had come to be in possession of the Stone.

“Now I’m thinking maybe Aemon was trying to de-soul me and messed up. That would have been bad.”

“Your Arc Reactor,” Loki said, trying not to imagine that scenario. “It protected you against the Mind Stone’s influence.”

“Yeah, that’s what we figured. Thing is, dad came up with the initial design for it from his studying of the Tesseract back in the War. Looks like we accidentally build something that can counter the Stone’s powers.”

Remarkable. The people of Asgard would scream in revolt if they ever realized that mere mortals had managed to do something none of the Nine had been able to accomplish in millennia. And by accident no less.

The other part of it, though… the resurrection itself… having one’s parents back… God, Loki wished he could have Frigga return to life. All those things he’d never said (and those he did and wished he hadn’t), all those answers he would never have…

But maybe it would just be more of the same. More of always being second to Odin, to Thor, to Asgard. Odin would never change, and Frigga would still be in the same position, still bound by Odin’s command. She had never really defied him before, why would that change?

“Hey, Loki. Come on, don’t go down that rabbit hole.”

Loki blinked and focused back on Tony. “Sorry. I…”

“Thinking about your mom?” he asked gently.

“Yes. Except she wasn’t really my mother, was she? Not… not really.”

“Does that really matter? If she loved you, that seems enough for me. Family doesn’t have to be about blood.”

Loki shook his head. “I don’t…. I don’t know.” He wasn’t sure what to think about that. He wanted to believe that Frigga loved him regardless of his origins, but… sometimes it was hard.

“One thing I’ve learned from having my mom and dad back is that parents aren’t perfect, Loki, no more than anyone else is. They fuck up too. Doesn’t mean they’re terrible people. Maybe your mom made mistakes – not telling you the truth ages ago was a bad idea, certainly – but that doesn’t mean she didn’t love you and didn’t try.” He paused for a moment before adding. “Odin sounds like a huge dick, though.”

That made Loki chuckle a bit. It was nice to be among people who didn’t think Odin and Thor were always right in everything they did. The rest of Tony had said made sense, Loki supposed. He would have to think about it some more.

“There could have been stuff you were unaware of that might explain why your mom made certain choices. Kids… don’t always have the full picture.”

“Perhaps. I don’t know what to think anymore.”

“Well, that’s what therapy is for, to help you figure shit out. Though you can’t tell your doctor about my parents. He doesn’t have clearance for that.”

Loki nodded.

“Anyway,” Tony continued. “I told you all this because I wanted your input on the whole resurrection thing and because I want you to meet my parents. And they kinda want to meet you too. So, what do you say?”

There was a mixture of dread and joy churning in Loki’s stomach. What if Tony’s parents didn’t like him? He had thrown the man out of a window at one point (not under his right mind, but still). Not to mention the fact that, as it had become apparent to everyone, Loki was a walking mess of issues. Surely the Starks wouldn’t be thrilled with him as a – dare he say it? – friend to their son. On the other hand, the fact that he was being told such an important secret – and now he understood Tony’s nervousness about it – filled him with hope that maybe he could be a part of something here, with the Avengers. _Tony_ , at least, trusted him enough.

“I… yes, I suppose that would be… interesting.”

“Cool. So, team dinner at the penthouse today. Mom is cooking. I’ll come back to get you in a couple of hours, okay?”

“All right.”

*****

When Tony arrived, Loki was ready. He had spent quite a bit of time wondering what to wear and how to present himself, going so far as to research the matter on the Internet. However, that had been less helpful than he’d hoped (it seemed that ‘meeting someone’s family’ was an important milestone in romantic relationships, which was not the case here at all, so none of what was said fit). In the end he’d resorted to the tried and true method of asking Jarvis for advice. Formal wear on Midgard was quite different from what he was used to, though Loki had to admit it was much more comfortable. Jarvis had assured him he looked good in black slacks and a grey sweater.

He was still a bit nervous as he and Tony made their way up the elevator. Loki had not been to the upper floors of the Tower except for during the invasion, and that was not a memory he really wanted to revisit.

“Here we are,” Tony said.

Everyone seemed to be there already, the Avengers and other people Loki had not yet met. Howard and Maria Stark looked exactly like the photographs he’d seen in some of the articles about the Civil War and its aftermath. There was also a red-headed woman Loki knew was another friend of Tony’s, Pepper Potts, and a man he didn’t recognize.

Tony went around making the introductions and Loki tried to be nice. He was well aware that he had never been as charming as Thor, who everyone seemed to love on sight, but he still did his best. The unknown man was called Happy Hogan (not his real name, surely), and was also an old friend of Tony. Both he and Lady Potts gave Loki rather frosty and suspicious looks that promised dire retribution should Loki cause Tony harm.

Howard Stark shook his hand easily enough, expression guarded but interested. Up close, the resemblance to Tony was even more apparent, and Loki couldn’t help be a little envious. He had never resembled anyone in his family – for obvious reasons. He really should have suspected the truth a lot sooner.

Maria Stark was clearly a lady of class, and she smiled politely as they were introduced. She didn’t actually look like Frigga, but Loki could see similarities in the way she carried herself. This was a powerful woman who was not intimidated by the men around her.

“Lady Stark,” Loki said, kissing her hand, though he wasn’t entirely sure that was the norm in Midgard, “it is a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise,” she replied. “I’ve heard much of you from Tony and the others.”

Loki hoped those had been good or at least neutral things, and not what he’d done during the invasion.

Bruce and Hope greeted him with smiles and friendly waves. Strange nodded in his direction and was then distracted when the Cloak detached himself from his shoulders to go chase a… robot? that had just rolled in. Another one just like it followed them both with a series of beeps. Loki had no idea what was going on anymore.

“Hey, you two behave!” Tony shouted. “Anything breaks in here and you’ll be banned from the coffee machine.” Tony’s words had no apparent affect on the bizarre trio. He rolled his eyes and turned back to Loki. “Come on, have a seat. When they’ve calmed down I’ll introduce you.”

Drinks were distributed and Loki began to relax a bit. The Avengers asked about his therapy session and offered support and encouragement. After a while, Loki got to meet Tony’s “bot kids”, Dum-E and U. He remembered that Bruce had mentioned them when telling him how his true appearance would make no difference to the Avengers. Looking at them now and seeing the way everyone seemed to treat them with indulgent fondness, Loki was starting to believe that Bruce may have been right. Perhaps he would take Bruce up on his offer to explore his own physiology after all.

There were quite a lot of people at the table when dinner was served. Tony sat at the head, with his parents to his right and Loki to the left. Beside Loki were Bruce, Vision, Hope and Strange. On the other side next to Lady Stark were Lady Potts and Mr Hogan. Rhodes was across from Tony while the bots circled the table and beeped occasionally. It was… slightly surreal.

Loki had been a little worried that he’d be interrogated by the elder Starks, yet that didn’t happen. Sure, they asked a few questions, mostly about what he thought about Midgard so far, but there was no hostility in it, only polite interest. Little by little, the tension Loki had been feeling since being told of this meeting began to dissipate.

Conversation flowed easily and the food was delicious. Loki made sure to compliment Lady Stark on it.

“Thank you, Loki. I understand you’ve been doing a bit of cooking yourself?”

“Ah, yes. It’s… a way to pass the time.” He really missed his magic sometimes, though.

She asked about some of the things he’d tried and what his favorites were, and it was nice. There was something about her that put him at ease, though he had no doubt that she would be a force to be reckoned with if Loki ever did anything to hurt her son again.

Loki was almost sorry when dinner had been consumed, dreading the thought of going back to his empty quarters. However, the evening wasn’t over yet. There was dessert to be served (a habit Loki was still getting used to) and even after that they all moved to the living room and settled around on various pieces of furniture or the floor to continue talking.

“I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about the Tesseract,” Mr Stark said, approaching Loki, who had been standing around a bit awkwardly, unsure of where to go.

“Yes, of course.”

He answered the questions as best as he could based on the stories he was told in his youth. The Tesseract had been lost since before Loki’s birth, after all. Or perhaps Odin had simply decided to leave it on Midgard to keep anyone else from getting their hands on it, believing that the humans wouldn’t be able to do anything with it. Well, they hadn’t – not for a thousand years, at least.

“I thought it was an energy source,” Mr Stark said.

“It is, in a way. I mean, it _has_ energy. Of a kind I’m not entirely familiar with, to be honest. The Stones are said to be as old as the universe itself.”

“That doesn’t make much sense.”

Loki just shrugged.

Mr Stark then gave him a rather pointed look. “So, I feel obliged to say that should you try to hurt my son or this planet again, I’ll kick your ass.” He didn’t sound all that menacing, however. “But you don’t seem like a threat now.”

“I assure you, I have no desire to harm anyone on your realm.” Well, perhaps the Captain and the Spider, if he were to ever cross paths with them again, for what they had done to Tony. “And I am sorry for the damage I caused before.”

“Good,” Mr Stark nodded. “I’ll be watching you.”

 “Howard, you’re not harassing our guest, are you?” Lady Stark said, coming up to wrap an arm around her husband’s.

“Not at all,” Loki replied, understanding that Mr Stark was only doing what any decent parent would do. Something that Odin had, of course, never been.

“Tony has assured us that you are no longer a danger to anyone.” Her tone clearly implied a ‘he’d better be right’, as did the pointed look she gave him. Then she was all smiles again. “Let’s give Loki here the benefit of the doubt.”

Give him the benefit of the doubt. A stranger who had ample cause to despise him was willing to give him that when his own ( _not_ ) brother hadn’t. Loki was reminded of all the times his mother had ignored other people’s insistence on him being punished for some prank or misdeed (or set him a punishment that wasn’t really, like making him study something he was actually interested in). She had not always been able to do so, and not when it had been Odin demanding it, but she had tried. Maybe she had loved him and had simply been, as Tony had told him earlier, not as perfect as he’d expected (wanted) her to be.

“Loki?” Lady Stark asked, and Loki realized his vision was a little blurry.

“I’m sorry. You… You remind me of my mother.”

She looked at him sadly. “I’m sorry for your loss. Would you like to tell me about her? Sometimes it helps to remember the good things.”

“I… Yes.”

She guided him to the couch and smiled encouragingly. Despite his anger and hurt over Frigga’s lies and failures, Loki found himself thinking only of fond and cherished memories. Learning his first few spells under her watchful and proud tutoring. Reading books together when he was a small child. Going to her in tears after being teased one too many times by the other boys (including Thor) for not being manly enough, and being taken in her arms. Their secret smiles over magic cast unseen that targeted some obnoxious noble who refused to show the proper respect.

No, she had not been perfect, but she had been his mother and he’d loved her. He always would.

“She lied to me,” he said. “About… where I really came from.”

“Yes, Tony told us a bit about that.”

“But I… I think… I can forgive her.”

It still hurt, of course, and he still had questions that would never be answered, but he _could_ forgive her. He could believe that she loved him, and whatever mistakes she’d made had not been made out of neglect and carelessness. Saying the words – and feeling it in his heart – felt like a burden had been finally lifted off his shoulders. Like he had a little bit of his family again, even if only in his memories.

“It’s all right, honey. You’re gonna be all right.”

Loki hadn’t quite realized he was crying, or that Lady Stark was holding him carefully, just like his mother used to. It only made him cry harder.

“You’re going to be okay, Loki,” she repeated, and for the first time in ages, Loki believed it.

He had started on the path to healing. Here, on Midgard, among his former enemies, he had found friends and a place where he wasn’t the odd one out, the one on the outside looking in. Perhaps when his probation time was done, and he had proven himself sufficiently, he could officially join the Avengers as part of the team. A team where he would be heard and valued, his skills appreciated and even admired, where he could talk about the things that he enjoyed without being looked at as a freak.

Slowly, he drew back to look at Lady Stark. “Thank you.” His gaze sought Tony, standing a bit further back with a concerned expression. Concern for _him_ , Loki thought, in awe. “Thank you,” he repeated. The other Avengers were watching him as well, though it didn’t make him feel self-conscious. On the contrary, he felt _seen_.

Then the Cloak was suddenly draped on his shoulders like a warm blanket, and Loki let out a watery laugh. “Thank you. Thank you all so much.”

“Group hug!” Tony yelled, and launched himself at Loki with a laugh.

Soon everyone had joined in and they were all laughing and hugging each other.

“Thank you.”

Yes, coming to Midgard had been Loki’s best idea _ever_.


End file.
